:D

let go

2008-06-23T00:45:00.000+08:00

I finally finished Season 5 of OTH. And damn, it was a tear-jerker. I felt Peyton’s pain. I felt how she wished things did not end up that way. I felt her pain on how much he wanted to let go of Lucas but still wanted him to be a part of her life. I really really felt it sooo bad that I can’t stop crying while watching it. And I can’t stop praising those fcuking awesome writers. 5 stars for you. :)

Letting go is really hard and God, I wish it was. You know that things would someday be okay but that someday may take you years. It is just so sad that it has to be a part of our lives; that we have to go through all those sleepless nights, non-stop tears and own a breaking heart. It’s fcuking sad that through letting go is when we will be able to learn new things.

Love really is mysterious. It is one big risk that you have to take and that risk has never guarantee you a happy ending. It’s either you’ll get what you want or well, not. It makes you feel so good but as time goes by, sometimes, it breaks your heart. When you’re in love, you can’t stop smiling and you wish you can see that person every moment of your life. But once you get hurt, its either you still can’t stop smiling because you want to hide the pain from everyone or you let the whole world know that you’re broken by getting wasted. And well, you wish not to see that person ever again though you badly know that that person is the only way you’re heart is going to heal. It’s ironic but love has to make you feel that way. And that’s what makes it more mysterious. More exciting. More worthy.

So, do love. When you get hurt, move on and think that you’re not meant for each other. Let go, move on and find new love. Because love is what matters and it just makes every pain and tears worth it. It is, believe me.

magical

2008-06-20T00:45:00.000+08:00

There will always be someone who will be willing to give up everything for you. There will always be someone who sees everything about you but still accepts you whole-heartedly. There will always be someone meant to be with you forever.

So don’t rush. Love will come at the right time, place and right moment.

And that’s when you’ll realize how magical love is.

anonymous

2008-06-17T00:43:00.000+08:00

I like him.

I like him so much that I’m going to the extent that I want to know every small detail about him. I like him so much that even if its hurting me, I want to know who he likes and who he wants to be with. I like him so much that sometimes, before I sleep, I think of him.

I like him.

And maybe, I maybe.. falling in love.

- anonymous

Nominated!

2008-06-15T00:42:00.002+08:00

I'm nominated.

Yey!:)

blah

2008-06-14T23:19:00.001+08:00

I saw him today.
Didn’t talked nor get near to him.
Finally admitted to myself that I don’t want to move on.
And that I’m happy by just seeing him.

Crazy. Right? Fcuk.

As of tonight, I’m waiting for a text from the BODs that says that I’m qualified to run for the position of Branch Chairperson. And it’s 10:30pm and still, NO TEXT. Did I make it or what? Fcuk.

Stress. The “IN” word today for Mapuans. It’s Hell Week people and wth!! I’m still not sure either I’ll pass all my courses or what. Fcuk.

Life is indeed fcuk up but what the hell, it makes you feel good when everything ends up well.

..I wish. :)

down

2008-06-09T22:06:00.000+08:00

There is something wrong with me.

And whatever it is, it’s mine to keep.

Fuck.

happy

2008-06-09T20:38:00.004+08:00

I miss someone. No, not my past love.

It’s just so sad to see her perfectly good without me. I’m happy. I just never thought I’m out of her list. I just miss her. :) But I’m okay with it. I’ve got Julio anyway. :)

I want cupcakes; those that are soo cute, it’s so hard to take a bite of it. I want to make my hair longer though the idea of trimming it [to make it longer and healthy] makes me crazy. Oh, and I want my hair to be as perfect as the hair of the girl in the third picture (from the left; the B&W one) of my BG. Lastly, I want my own new camera.

It will make me happy when I get to have those things listed above.

But one thing can really make me uber happy today. and that is_______.:)

Open

2008-06-09T11:43:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, you have to open your eyes to be able to see what’s happening around us.

And the hell to those who doesn’t. I’m scared that people will make a big mistake ---. Take a second look. Take another glance. Stare. Please guys, open your eyes. You have to. We have to.

060808

2008-06-08T00:04:00.006+08:00

o6.o7.o8

Pagod But Uber Happy. :)

o6.o6.08

A memory. This is what you are right now. A memory that I will forever treasure; that I will forever remember. Our memories together, either good or bad, will forever live on me but that would all be it. No more comebacks. No more replays. You’re a memory now. That’s it.

This evening is my interview and I’m a scaredy-cat. It’s not that I don’t believe in my own capabilities. I’m just scared to disappoint those people who gave me their trust and support when in fact, I’m not yet nominated. I just wish I could answer all their questions. Ugh.

Wait, do you know what is IEEE? IEEE is an international organization for EE-ECE-COE engineers. And yes, they created the IEEE Standard for Ethernet. Cool, right? And now, I’m applying as the chairperson in one of their school branch here in the Philippines. I just wish I’ll be nominated.

I finally installed Photoshop CS2 here in my lappy. And remember the post where I said I’ll post our committee pic. Well, here it is. The RnD Committee.

Blah blah. I’ve got nothing to post. Kaya bb.:)

Last Week

2008-06-01T16:33:00.002+08:00

SORRY FOR THE LONG POST.

06.01.08

So, how’s the EEC outing?
Terrible. Wait, no; it’s boring. I didn’t enjoy the outing for some shitty reasons. No, it’s not really because I tried (for the first time) to drink hard alcohol and get super tipsy; it’s because there’s too many people and the beach is super dirty.

But I guess I have to be thankful for a day of relaxation blah blah.

Inside the bus is where I enjoyed it. The IEEE FM station was cool. The Dugtungan Challenge between me and Teo was uber fun. And it was super cold inside, so yeah I love it.

So, enough with the outing.

What made me sad?

Easy, the feeling that I think (I really hope I’m fcuking wrong) the friendship that I thought I’ll only have the right to have is failing. It sucks. The feeling sucks. Everything sucks. Thanks to his friend, things are getting more complicated.

So now, I’ve decided. I’m giving it up. Enough with the mushy quote such as “Whatever happens, never give up” or “I’ll wait for you” blah blah. The friendship I have with him is at stake, so yeah, I give up. I have more reasons to be happy. And besides, I don’t want a complicated life. I’ll just continue to love myself, family, friends and muuusic. At least, they make me sane and feel important. :)

Tomorrow, I’ll be looking at the world’s greatest gift and that is my life.

I won’t let anybody make me feel that that gift sucks.

But as of now, let me shout out what I feel.

Puta!

Thank you.

PS.
Thank you Jmie, I appreciate what you did for me yesterday.
Sorry Justin for acting like that.

05.30.08

Hello. This day has been a tiring day. I studied for my exam, attended the bimonthly meeting and the short meeting for the organizers, took my third long exam in MSE (Material Science and Engineering), write on the board in Microprocessor (which is actually the reason why my hands is hurting right now), talked to the dean and went shopping for the things we were tasked to bring for tomorrow’s outing. I’m such a busy bee. :)

..and I’m glad about it.

I have to make myself busy anyway. I’d rather die doing hundreds of things than to die thinking how much my heart is aching. :)

EEC outing will be held tomorrow. I’m not quite sure if I’m excited about it. Maybe, I’m just too scared to see something that will ruin my day. But I’m still looking at the bright side of it; I’ll be with my friends – those that make me sane.
I’m getting tired and still I’m typing. I’m supposed to be writing my synthesis but because my hands feel weird, I stopped. And the hell, my handwriting is getting funny; it is starting to ruin my synthesis.

I’m fcuking scared in one of my courses, Principles of Communication. The fact that I’m not learning anything and the professor who handles me is pregnant and can’t teach well, I was quite forced to cheat and boohoo, we (Jmie and I) think we were caught. Good moves by Justin who let the paper I wrote fly; it seems that my professor thought that we cheated. It sucks, big time.

I love Jason Castro’s rendition of “I Don’t Wanna Cry”. So much. Shit that voice, it’s making me cry Lol. Boo those who didn’t vote for him. Haha. But then again, thank you for letting Cook win (though his winner piece sucks).

Just for the record, I want you (my readers, if ever I have one) to know that I’m not in love with him. I just like him and I’m telling you, it will forever be just like that. I have to learn to love myself first. So, if you really do care for me, support me. Stop the shitty criticisms and for god’s sake, stop the teasing. I just don’t feel good about it. Think about what is at stake. It’s not just my reputation, it’s the friendship. That’s all I can have so please, let me have it by stopping. Thank you.

Being the ASSISTANT Research Coordinator of the RnD Committee is, honestly, not very fulfilling. There’s too much pressure. Add up the reason that I’m applying/running for the position of Chairperson. I honestly didn’t expect this. I’m supposed to be assisting my boss and give him advice on what to do for the research; not to decide on everything that will happen. PERSONALLY, I’m starting to hate the job. Really. I do all the updates; I do all the decision-making; when in fact, my position’s name has the word ASSISTANT on it. And yet, I feel like I didn’t do much for the committee because well, the progress reports say so. I just feel so disappointed and frustrated about it. I KNOW and I BELIEVE that I’m doing so much for the committee but my Head is right, I still don’t have any OUTPUT unlike my boss who already have one. I appreciate the honesty of my Head. I just feel so pressured about it. I’m quite scared to move because I might be bypassing my boss already. Hay. Am I making excuses? I think I am. To my Head, I’m really trying so hard to do what you asked me to do. I know that it’s taking me weeks to do it but please, do appreciate my hardworks. Well, I know you do. But I’ll be honest, it’s hurting me. But don’t worry, I’ll be professional about it. I’ll take it as a challenge. Big challenge.

My friends make me sane. I know I’ve already said that for like the nth time. But I appreciate them for being honest and all; for being supportive and for trusting me. Though at times, I still feel alone. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not sharing everything.. for not being expressive. I’m sorry because I’m keeping secrets and that, I can’t open up. Thank you for understanding me and for making me smile. I appreciate it. Thank you.

Wew. Guess I’ve been ranting too many things already. Yey. I made 773 words. And I think I made sense in this post. So, what do you think? Don’t be shy, click the “Comments” link (or whatever). :)

Till Next Blog Entry..

05.29.08

I applied to the position of Chairperson in our organization, Mapua-IEEE.

At first, it wasn’t really on my plans to run/apply. But I love the feeling on how people push me to apply. I’ll never deny that it feels sooo good when I hear them say that I have the capabilities and the potential. It feels good that people trust you; that people believes in you. Now, I feel like I have one big fcuking reason to be happy.
Until now, my plans are still unclear. Yes, I still don’t have any platforms. But I know I’ll have one soon, probably this Tuesday. Haha.:)

To those who keep on supporting me, thank you. Thank you for the trust. It’s really a big thing for me. I appreciate every advice you, guys, gives to me.

Shoutouts:
Kuya James – thank you for being honest and pushing me to do good. I really appreciate it.
Arjie – thank you for that one text that made me happy. Thank you for the support. I really need that now.
Others – thank you for making me believe that I have the potentials to lead and for encouraging me to run.
Jen,Dex,Con – thank you. :)
Non-believers – thank you for the criticism because now, it makes me fight more. I’ll let you eat your words.:) Thanks for the hurting words. It made me a better person.

For Mapua-IEEE members, if ever I’m lucky enough to be nominated to the position I applied for, I’ll never plead for your votes. If you think I have the capabilities to lead and be the next chairperson of the organization, well then, thank you and vote for me. If not, still, I want to thank you and well, leave the paper blank. :)

Weeyp. God bless to Tzie.

05.26.08

I have my own insecurities. And if I list them, you’ll just get bored reading. My insecurities have been eating me alive. Since God-knows-when, I started to feel so bad about myself. Maybe other’s criticism made me feel worst. I know I can’t please everyone but hearing those bad criticism just fcuking hurts.

I’m sensitive. I know that.
I’m moody. I’m aware with that.
And I’m sorry for those shitty flaws.

But sometimes, I also think I deserve to be respected just like other people. I can tolerate it, believe me I can. But people have their own limits.

And what the hell, I have my limits too.

So yes, I demand respect.

I demand that you, if you’re pretty much guilty, treat me just like others. Treat me as a human.

After all, I’m a girl.

2008-05-27T14:12:00.000+08:00

Happy 2nd Anniversary Blog. :)

more Love.:)

mini-msdt

2008-05-26T06:49:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, May 25, 2008, Mini-MSDT (Mini-Management Skills and Development Training) was held at two different locations. It was supposed to be held at Fort Santiago but since the rain was falling so hard during the morning, our chairperson decided to start the event inside the school. After lunch, around 2:00 pm, the participants moved to Fort Santiago to start the amazing race.

All in all, even it was delayed, the event was successful.

It was a mix of everything. I am happy to be able to serve the organization and the new applicants. I am happy to see that almost everyone seems to enjoy the event.

I was kind of sad during the event, not because I didn’t enjoy it. It’s a personal issue that I intend to keep. Thanks to Patrick who was with me last night. I was able to open up and release all the emotional shit I was feeling that time. :) Geez, I’m happy to have great friends.:)
Another fcuk up thing that happened to me was that stupid drunken guy I was seated next to in the van. Nachani and lalaki. Badtrip talaga.

David Cook won American Idol. I am happy with the results though I was quite disappointed with his last performance wherein he sang the song “This Time Now”. He didn’t put a mark on it. It’s as if his just singing a song, not performing it as a winner. But then again, he deserves it and I’m happy about it. I’m not an Archu kid fan kasi. Why? I just don’t think he’ll make it big on the music industry. He just sings, not perform. Archu is good but Cook is better. :)

Anyway, I still go for Jason Castro. :) Congrats Cook-y. :))

Congrats AI for another successful season.

James Blunt's Concert

2008-05-18T15:10:00.003+08:00

I was about to laugh when I heard Victor Basa sung, “You’re Beautiful” of James Blunt but instead, I suddenly feel like crying.

Pu*a, magcoconcert si James Blunt dito sa Pinas BUKAS.

Yes, tomorrow at Araneta Coliseum.

Akalain mo yun.

I just heard it a while ago and my sister knew it for like a month and she never dared to tell it to me.

Humirit pa.

Frenza: Oo nga, hindi mo ba alam? Palagi nga commercial yun.
Ako: Duh! wala akong tv. Sana man lang tinext mo ko.

Hai. Kamusta naman yun.

Shuks talaga. I had so many reasons to be sad. Just when I thought music can make me happy.

Gusto ko talaga manood!

Friends, help me. Lend me Some fcuking money.

Okay, one down na ko. I still have more bands and persons to meet and be able to go to their concerts. I just wish I could go.

Sige, bbye.

akala mo

2008-05-18T00:31:00.002+08:00

..and since this is my blog and I have the right and the freewill to say anything, e eto na.

Pakshet ka.
Badtrip ka.
Akala mo.
Masaya ako.
Pakshet ka talaga.
Nakakainis.

..now, I'm going to bed ~~and cry~~.

confession part 2

2008-05-17T22:29:00.002+08:00

I love your eyes, especially when unexpectedly it meets mine. I love your smile, especially when I know I made you do it.

I love how your mere presence completes my day. I love how you make me happy without even trying.

I really like everything about you.

And I want you to know that, I really do.

But I don’t know when is the right time. I do not know if the words I used are right. I do not know if it is all going to be worth it.

So, I’m not taking the chance. Not because I am unsure of it, its just that, I know, I’ll never had the chance. I know that I am not enough. I know that its never going to be right. I know that what I yearn from you will always be owned by her.

So, wth, I’m giving it up.

- anonymous

- - - - -

I'll say this only once.

I love my hair in the photos below.

.....
....
...
..
.

OOookay. I hate it again.

rants again2

2008-05-11T22:55:00.000+08:00

Things change and sometimes, this change can really hurt you big time.

Maybe, I’m just lucky enough to be able to find someone who could make me happy, even though he doesn’t know that he does. I’m still hurting but I’m on the process of healing. Thank God for friends, they make me sane at school.

Orientation for Batch 12 applicants was held awhile ago and it’s another fun afternoon. I love the pressure, work and the bonding moments that is happening inside the function room in PBSP. And ooh the game, it was super fun, I can’t stop being childish. Haha.

I started going to the gym! Haha. It’s fun and fulfilling at the same time. After the workout, you just feel so light kahit hindi pa. Haha.:) It feels good that I’m now learning to take care of my body.:)

I’m procrastinating again. I’m supposed to be doing my synthesis but instead, I’m blogging. Haha. It’s more fun to write rants than do that ~~stupid~~ synthesis. I have so much time tomorrow so tomorrow na lang.:)

RnD makes me happy. Proofs? The committee pic and the shirt. Haha.:) Photos will be posted next time, I'm too lazy to post it.:)

TNB.

emo mode

2008-05-10T22:32:00.005+08:00

I don’t hate emos but I also don’t like them. Its not that I’m practicing discrimination, I just don’t feel how they try to make themselves visible to our eyes and still wanted to be alone. It’s too ironic and I find it a shit.

Though I’m hurting, I’m not getting emo-er by any chance. Why? Because I don’t want to be alone nor do I want to feel bad about myself. I want to be happy and now, luckily, I’m learning how.

So no, I’m not having emo mode. Simply because I don’t slash my pulse and I don't listen to MCR songs. I only listen to the best fcuking unknown music ever.

Hey hey hey Josh!:) Haha. He commented on my wall saying that his happy. Proof? Click this link. --->[Link]

goodbye

2008-05-04T23:07:00.004+08:00

I was thinking of closing this blog awhile ago. It’s not because I’m getting tired of it; it’s because it keeps on hurting me just by opening it. But I’m too attached with this crappy blog, I can’t even stop posting. So yes, I’m keeping it and I mean, I will!:)

- - - - -

Don't Close Your Eyes - Josh Woodward

I found another great musician in thesixtyone.com and yey, its love love love. It’s Josh Woodward, an acoustic rock musician from Findlay, OH. He just don’t give his music free for download, which is so very good since I’m a poor girl, but he just writes like.. shit [shit in a good way!]. He is a package; a talented writer plus great vocals. Oh, and did I say he insists his listeners to burn his music and distribute them? [Sorry Mr. Josh, but I won’t. Let them find you. But I’m spreading your music by blogging about you.] His just one of the great musicians and I just feel super lucky to drop on his page and listen to his fucking great songs. More Josh, please!:) I just can’t stop adoring this guy.

- - - - -

I was trying not to think of the things that are happening around me right now. I want some peace and sanity. I want a break. I want to spend a day without any worries.

So yes, I’ll stop talking about you.
I’ll stop talking to you.
I’ll not insist on being a part of your life [since you won’t let me].

Yes, I’m letting go. I’m really letting you go.

If God really wants us to be together, fate will help us and someday, who knows, we might be together again. As of now, I can only wait for that day to come.

Goodbye.

fighting

2008-05-03T22:43:00.001+08:00

Pretending to be okay is not an easy job. It requires you good talent and convincing smile to make others believe that you are okay.

No man is an island. True, indeed. Sometimes, people need someone whom they could talk to about what they feel. People need someone who can be honest with them and never hesitate to tell the truth even if it hurts big time.

Everybody have the right to be happy. Happiness isn’t just a feeling, it’s more than that. God gave us that right and it’s up to us how to use that right to its full potential. We have to fight for it; for that stupid right.

No, I’m not pretending.
Yes, I need someone.

And yes, I’m fighting to be happy.

tae

2008-05-01T20:50:00.001+08:00

Just when I’ve learned to be happy, things started to get a little complicated. I want to be happy and whenever I tried to, people started to act shit. I just want to be happy. I just really want to be happy.

Its killing me, you know. I don’t want to hurt you nor anyone who is important in my life. I’m just trying to help you. Believe me, I do.

Shit talaga. ~~Gusto ko umiyak~~.

2nd week

2008-04-26T22:44:00.001+08:00

Wtf, Just Off Turner visited my blog. I wish it’s the real JOT. Sorry for the mis-whatever. :)

School is not getting tougher, as I thought it would be. Now, writing synthesis and reading my Micro book seems to be a routine. I’m getting used with it, so wth.:)

Pat and I are Gym Buddies! Haha. This Monday, we’ll start with our Gym thingy to fcuking lose weight. I wish I could stick with it.:)

Xylem and I are the new B1 and B2. Why? Nowadays, we’ve been thinking the same thing at the same time. Haha. It’s quite funny but hey, it’s fun.

I’m now the new Assistant Research Coordinator of The RnD committee. I can’t say that I’m glad about the promotion. I just don’t feel like doing the job but wth, I’ll do what people expects me to do.:)

I’m getting better. I’m happy and okay. I feel glad that I can be sane even when I’m alone --- that I can still cry and be happy after a long tiring run of tears. I’m trying to see the good side of standing alone. I still wish things did not end this way but things happen for a reason. I’m just glad that we still talk. Hindi na ko bitter.

Let fate decides.

Next week ulit.:)

first week

2008-04-20T14:21:00.003+08:00

Finally, I learned to open up my feelings to three of my very good friends. It was a relief and it was one good night of tears. Thank you. I’ll be honest, I’m okay but I’m not happy. But I’m not taking this as a bad thing; for I know I’ll soon be happy. It’s just part of the learning process. I know its all God’s plans. :)

4th term, AY 07 – 08 started last Monday and yes, internet mode is limited. I’ll only be online during the weekends. First week was also ready stressful due to one of my courses, MSE100 [ Mechanical Science and Engineering 100]. The course is all about mechanical materials and the like. We are asked to do and pass our syntheses every meeting. It asks you time and effort and boohoo for that. Microprocessors is also one tough course due to the professor, Mam Ontimare. But the hell, if the professor is good, it would be worth it.

Grabe, things around me are getting pretty boring. Friendster is not even working properly. My hair is such a shit. Until now, I can’t accept the fact that it’s fugly short. Haha. I just keep on looking at my mirror for hours hoping it will finally be long again. So please hair, be long. I look like Dora kasi. Haha. Here is a matinong photo of mine with the Dora hair cut.

..and yes, I tie my hair to hide it. Haha.

Last Friday, I was beaten by a Higad. Look.

Bad talaga ng Higad. I hate it.

Summer. Summer, and I’m stuck in school. Good.:)

Till next post. Sorry for the random thoughts. I just can’t figure out what I want to say. At least, I updated my blog. Be Happy.

hair

2008-04-14T07:38:00.004+08:00

I have a short, fugly hair.

~~Now, I ~~hate~~ gays.~~

4th term na

2008-04-09T14:55:00.005+08:00

4th Term, AY 2007-2008 na!

..and woohoo, I'm excited to start the new term. Ang dami kasing bago. Bagong gamit, bagong classmate at bagong applicants.

Now, I feel like my world is revolving around school and the organization. I'm so attached with the school that I feel like, today, as I battle with my emotions, the only place I could feel sane is in my bulok school, MIT. I want to dump myself with school, org and SDCAT works. I just want to get rid of all the mushy things that are happening right now. School. School. School. I just can't stop thinking about it. Ooh, wtf, GC [grade-conscious] na ata ako.

I'm digging another band, Just off Turner. There music is just awesome and the lyrics, man, the lyrics are just great. No wonder na John Mayer personally endorsed the band in his Myspace blog. They deserve it. I love how the lyrics of their song, "How Much It Hurts", bends with the melody. It's just pierced your heart with every word. It really wants to make you want to cry. Super galing talaga. Below-Fi also has ass-kicking songs though I still go for Just Off Turner. I still love The Feeling, Travis and The Killers, of course. Hurray lang for good music.:)

So yeah, he is ignoring me. Well, he must since I deserve it so much I might as well be killed by him. I just want to talk. That's all. Mahirap ba yun? I mean, we deserve all the explanation that we both deserve. If this is the normal sh*tx2 break up, then let's make it well.. normal. I just want to talk and if God permits, make it work. You're killing me by ignoring me. I just feel so bad about myself.

School can make me sane.
Music can make me sane.
You can make me happy.
...~~though I feel like, we have to start again from scatch~~

elaborate natin

2008-04-09T09:10:00.002+08:00

Masyado atang masyado yung previous post ko to the point na halos lahat nagimbal o nagreact.

So, icclear ko na dahil kanina ko lang din naintindihan ang lahat.

We're not together.
I'm free and so is he. Single? Maybe. Hindi ata. Medyo lang.

Pero isa lang ang sure ko sa lahat ng nangyayari ngayon.

I still care for him. I still want to know what's going on with his life and so with his family. I still want to know if his doing well in his job, if his resting and etc. I still want to be updated about his life. The only thing that changed is what I feel --- It's not the usual "I fell out of love", it's the "it's just lost its way" ang drama ko. And I'm looking for it. I'm just looking for it.

I'm not asking him to wait; not because I'm not coming back, I just don't want him to think that I'll be coming back when someone better comes along his way. He deserves someone who's willing enough to fight with him until the end. Unfortunately, I'm not the one he truly needs because I'm weak and obviously, I gave up.

To elaborate the issue, I gave up because I feel that it's not working. His busy and we rarely get to talk. And when we talk, it's the same old sh*t. And unfortunately, the magic seems to be lost because of it. Also, I want him to realize that his life has to continue even though I'm not a part of it; that he doesn't have to depend sakin.

I miss him. I really do. But things have to end for some certain reasons.

I guess na.. It's for the best.

..and maybe, nagniniarte ako.

at.. I'm waiting for him to come back.

break o cool off? ewan.

2008-04-07T19:30:00.004+08:00

Love comes in the most unexpected ways. When you let it enter, it makes you feel that everything is perfect and nothing can go wrong. But sometimes, love ends just as unexpected as it came. It ends all of a sudden just when you thought everything is going smoothly.

Love is not a matter of destiny. It is a matter of choice. It's a risk wherein you either grab it or let it go.

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. Sadly, one of the greatest things you also have to learn is letting go.

I'm learning it. I made a choice. It is sudden but I did it.

I'm single and once again, free.

PS.We're giving each other space. Kaya hindi ako sure kung yun na nga yun pero yun na ata yun. Ewan.

Photo Courtesy of: Google Images

thesixtyone.com - music adventure

2008-04-06T13:22:00.002+08:00

I'm enjoying myself as a member of thesixtyone.com.

thesixtyone makes music discovery a fun, adventurous experience with persistent reputation and rewards -- it's like a massively-multiplayer game for music junkies who are always on the prowl for new sounds. For everyone else, it's a spot where anybody can instantly start listening to good new music...a place that personifies people getting excited about music simply because they enjoy it."

Being a one-week member of the said site, it really is a one cool music adventure. It gives you a chance to interact with great artists by giving their songs comments and to help your favorite artists by bumping their songs. Also, through the rack, you get to discover new music and artists.

It just gives a new meaning about music discovery.

I'll stop the talking, visit the site and you'll find out why I am so fcuking in love with it.

:(

2008-04-05T21:38:00.002+08:00

I tried. Unfortunately, I'm getting so tired.[fcuk the rhyming words. It sucks.]

I thought I was doing a good job making it all damn work but I failed.

~~It's just not working.~~

Ooh, I'm a failure.

I just want to feel it again. I really do.

..and yes, I'm sorry.

survey bin

2008-04-03T19:21:00.001+08:00

I've made myself a new blog. Surveys that I feel like answering are posted there. And again, I made it boring. I made another minimalistic background, and it's stupid. Ugh. So, here's the link. Do visit it if have time and well, if you're bored. Here's the link.

survey bin

Thanks.:)

mapua - simply the best

2008-04-02T23:17:00.003+08:00

"Mapua produces the highest student marketability in the workplace, it produces 40% of the engineers in this country, the highest percentage in the engineering and IT sector.

Now ask the world, who invented the Fluorescent lamp, the Ethernet chips that is the backbone of the Internet, the moonbuggy-the mobile used in moon by Neil Armstrong, the boilers and reactors that run the countries power plants, the first mathematician that proved that 90 degree parrallel lines still intersect, this are just some of the innumerable merits.

Whos on top of the engineering seats in top companies such as Intel, Microsoft, ABS-CBN, Globe, Smart, HP, Sun Microsystems etc.

Research, Ask, and you'll find out that this people are Mapuans.

The Best and only School solely dedicated to Engineering and IT prowess.

Mapua Institute of Technology, the Massachussets Institute of Technology(the best engineering school in the world) and counterpart in the Philippines."

-So true. Not because I'm also a Mapuan but the school is all about engineering. We suck in other programs but when it comes to engineering, the school offers the best curriculum. Kaya ayon, agree ako. I think the other schools are also good in other programs; like UP/UST in science programs, DLSU/Ateneo in Business programs. Wala lang.:)

Congrats sa mga pumasa sa ECE board exams lalo na sa dalawang nakapasok sa Top 10[Top 2 and Top 3].

temple scene

2008-04-02T09:35:00.003+08:00

Remember my previous post about one band that swept me off my feet because of their music? If not, here’s the link of that previous post. [click here].

Temple Scene released an EP and their songs can now be downloaded for only 0.99$ in amazon.com. They are signed under the Yellow Bear Music label.

If only I have an account there, I would not mind buying their music because it’s really really excellent. Their music is simply amazing and spectacular in some ways. The two members of the band, Ric Levy and Phillippe Rose are just awesome. Their music is generally made up of multiple layers of good sounds PLUS a great soothing vocals. The lyrics of their songs are written well. It’s a mixture of romance and tragedy and I, personally, can’t help but fall in love with it. They just get me into the mood. The lyrics can pierce your heart and makes you feel what the song wants you to feel. With such a great vocals, I can’t help but close my player and listen to their songs in their website[since I can’t purchased their songs, I have no choice but listen in their site].

I’m just glad that I ended up in their page and I get to discover such great music.

Edited: 10:13 pm

leyton

2008-04-02T08:14:00.004+08:00

Ooh, I can't wait to watch season 5 of one tree hill. I don't want to watch it right now because i hate waiting. I don't want to get bored with it. What makes me all giddy and excited is the 100th episode. Ugh. I hate spoilers but I can't help it. i loved being spoiled. Haha. More of Leyton scenes, please.:)

confession

2008-04-01T23:02:00.003+08:00

I read this in one of the forum that I visit frequently. It's a confession from a series, 1 Litre of Tears.

"if you're speaking, no matter how slow, I will listen to you. If you can't talk on the phone, I'll come directly to see you. I'm not a dolphin, and you're not a dolphin either. If you're walking, no matter how slow, I'll walk with you. I may not be useful now, but one day, i want to be of help for you. Even though it won't be like old times, our feelings are connected,so i don't think we live in separate worlds.
i...

you...

love...

maybe...

i maybe in love... probably."

..i like it. It made me smile.:)

therapy

2008-04-01T22:02:00.007+08:00

Therapy ito.

..at gusto ko magpa-therapy.

photos courtesy of: google images.

sakit

2008-03-31T12:19:00.004+08:00

"For the amount of pain you've suffered, you will get the equal amount of happiness in return."

It's difficult to see yourself stuck in the world you never wanted to be in. It's difficult to hopefully wish to have that freedom you're dying to have.

I'm having the most difficult time to work and yes, fight for it.. for that freedom I wish to have before I finally face the real world. These days, I've been spending my nights crying and hoping things would change the way I wanted it to be. I just feel so bad about everything. I hate to get all the blame, to hear all the words I never want to hear and feel the pain of how bad things are happening around me. At the age of 19, I'm feeling the pressure of trying to have a good and perfect future because if I don't, the things I hate right now will just get worst.

I thought that the next best thing was to restart again. I want to let go and try a new life.

But I can't because I don't have the power and the right.

I'm not strong enough to let go.

I want to continue what I started. But I can't stop doubting about my capabilities in leading. Time and Presence --- it's just too important. My skills can't only be my ace in continuing what I love to do. If I can't be there, what's the use of being one? I don't want to be questioned. I hate hearing negative things. And right now, I'm scared I might here one this time. I badly want this. I super want this to the point that yes; it makes me cry so badly.

Sadly, tears can't help me.

I want to shout out my thoughts and cry freely without anyone judging me and hearing them say how weak I am, simply because I don't need that. I want somebody whom I could talk to and tell everything without hesitations, whom I could tell everything that I'm keeping inside, whom I could cry on and would not tell me some stupid cliche such as, "it's okay". I want him to tell me the words that would make me realize that life is just fcuking terrible. I want hard-hitting words, because I know, it will make me strong.

But I just can't seem to find one because I'm just soooo fcuking scared to trust.

And because of these stupid things, I don't get to enjoy life.

Life is such a shit. It sucks.

Bigtime.

wth. Random thoughts again. Sorry.:)

PS. Thanks to some of the few people who keeps on telling me to continue the thing that I love to do. Thanks to those who sent me messages, telling me that my presence was missed. Thanks for constantly believing in me.

100 watts amplifier

2008-03-28T13:13:00.003+08:00

Gusto ko lang pakita senyo ang cute naming amplifier.. and yes, we're selling it. 5k lang mga co-mapuans. super ganda ng tunog, mapapaindak ka.:) sa mga tronics2 lab diyan, bilhin niyo na.:)

100 watts audio amplifier ito with pre-amp. Hindi kasama ang speaker, sorry.:)

msdt

2008-03-27T22:19:00.000+08:00

Hindi Ako Pinayagan sa MSDT.

..and yes, I hate it. I feel like a 16-yr old girl who can't do anything. For God's sake, I'm turning 20 this year. Could I even have some freedom? It is so frustrating. I feel like my parents don't trust me, though they keep on telling me they do. I'm an adult already but I don't get to feel that responsibility I should be having right now. I know that being adult is difficult. But I just want to feel how it is to be a college student. I’m not going to any outings or the like. I’m going to a 3-day training! Hay.

Now that I only have 6 terms left[hopefully], I'm planning ahead about what I want to do after graduation because finally, I'm free. So now, I'll let you see my plans after graduation.

-Trip to some Asian Country alone!
- Outing with my college friends
- Find a good job after the things stated above
- Go home late the night before my day-off
- Buy my own ---
- Find a job in other countries, preferably in Japan [since engineering there is at best]
- Have an apartment

Kapag to hindi pa nasunod, ewan ko na lang. Hay, nakakadisappoint talaga.

30 persons

2008-03-26T20:34:00.001+08:00

Dont read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 30 people.
*NO CHEATING*

& tag as much people as you want to when you're done!!!!

My 30 fave people, amen:

1. dad
2. mom
3. michael
4. mikko
5. jenny
6. dexter
7. geramie
8. regene
9. julio
10. jomet
11. adrian
12. justin
13. armon
14. edward
15. mario
16. jean
17. arianne
18. uriel
19. trina
20. joan
21. frenza
22. ate kristine
23. kuya
24. kuya xave
25. frian
26. jei
27. kj
28. rnd
29. ukb
30. i3e

THE QUESTIONS:

•How did you meet 22?
♥ [ate] TINE - cousin

•What would you do if you had never met 6?
♥ DEXTER - it would be a bit boring.:)

•What would you do if 7 and 15 dated?
♥ GERAMIE and MARIO - busted na si mario.:)

•If you could marry 30?
♥ i3e - that's polygamous

•Did you ever like 25?
♥ FRIAN - honestly, before i get to bond with him, no. but his pretty nice, so i like him:)

•Have you ever seen 4?
♥ MIKKO - of course!

•Would number 1 and 2 make a good couple?
♥ MOM and DAD - yes

•Describe number 8
♥ REGENE - makuwento

•When was the last time you talked to 14?
♥ WARD - awhile ago

•How do you think 1 feels about you?
♥ DAD - he loves me

•What language does 13 speak?
♥ ARMON - English and Filipino

•Who is 2 going out with?
♥ MOM - dadd

•What grade is 9 in?
♥ EO - 3rd year college

•What is 8's favorite music?
♥ REGENE - wala namang particular

•Would you ever date 13?
♥ ARMON - no.

•Is 4 single?
♥ MIKKO - no.:) his taken and happy.

•What is 10's last name?
♥ JOMET - Tunacao

•Would you ever want to be in a serious relationship with 3?
♥ MICHAEL - yes

•Where does 5 live?
♥ JENNY - qc

•What do you think about 28?
♥ RnD[family] - the best!

•What is the best thing about 16?
♥ JEAN - open

•What would you like to tell 15 right now?
♥ MARIO - tama na ang pagiging bitter.

•How did you meet 20?
♥ JOAN - through friends

•What is the best and worst thing about 2?
♥ MOM - she's not considerate[sometimes]

•Are you going to know 3 forever?
♥ MICHAEL - i dunno

•How long have you known 26?
♥ JEI - months pa lang

•Who is 24?
♥ KUYA XAVE - Ingat sa Japan!

•Do you have a crush on 27?
♥ KJ - nako, hindi ako bi. siya ang.. joke:) peace!

•Would you kiss 11?
♥ ADRIAN - no.

•Have you hugged/kissed 19?
♥ TRINA - yes and i love hugging her.

•Would you like to hug/kiss 21?
♥ FRENZA - hug, lambot e

•Is 12 your gf/bf?
♥ JUSTIN - no

•What do you hate about 23?
♥ KUYA - almost everything.

•What's your relationship with 18?
♥ URIEL - my HS friend

•Have you ever felt a spark of love for 17?
♥ ARIANNE - yes. i love her to death. she's one of my great friends:)

--i'm tagging everyone who gets to read this.:)

tae ako

2008-03-24T21:20:00.005+08:00

I don't want to say goodbye. I know and I believe it's not needed. Still, my mind keeps on shouting that I must stop this. I'm not just hurting myself, I'm hurting you too. I'm stupid, I know. I'm selfish and I feel sorry for myself. You just don't know how badly I want to feel it again. It's not like it's gone, it just lost its way. Things change, you know. I'm waiting until things are okay for you. It's not that I'm planning it. I just badly know it's not the right time to do or say it. So maybe.. yes, I'll wait. Who knows, it might find its way back. I'm sorry. ~~It's just that,~~ I'm not what you think I am.

yeah!

2008-03-24T21:01:00.002+08:00

From:Roy Lester Gonzales

Now that's the house I'm dreaming of. High ceiling. Neat structure. Simple architecture. Really, that's the house (if it is a house?) I wanted to build for myself. Whether the photo is a house or something else, I don't really care. I love the fact that its ceiling is high. Yun talaga gusto ko.

rant somthn2

2008-03-24T16:03:00.000+08:00

Asa bahay ako, walang magawa. Nagbabakasakaling magkahimala at makaalis ako dito. Kaso imposible. Hindi dahil sa strict ang parents ko. Wala lang talaga ako sa mood.

Nung isang linggo, nakipagtalo ako sa babaeng taga-SM Southmall. Nakalimutan ko yung shop basta ang pangalan nung babae, Nympha. Inirereklamo ko kasi yung external hard disk na nabili ko. Wala kasi siyang laman. Matagal ko na siya binili kaya lang wala ako sa mood pumunta dun. SO ayon, talo. Parang ngayon, okay na sakin. Bibili na lang ako. Ayoko na makipagtalo.

Ilang araw na lang MSDT na at hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin ulit ako nakakapagpaalam. Alam ko na kasi ang mangyayari. Oh well, baka magquit na lang ako bilang officer. Hindi ko kasi nagagampanan ng mabuti ang pagiging officer ko sa org na to. Mg ssSA na lang ako. O kaya magpapakabusy na lang ako sa SDCAT. Mukang mas maganda ang pangalan dun e. Pero hindi ibig sabihin nito, hindi ko mahal ang org. Inlab ako sa MIT-IEEE. Hindi ko lang kaya mameet ang expectations niya. Malaki talaga ang chance na magquit ako sa officership. Hay.

Magsusulat pa ba ko tungkol sa lablayp ko? Sa totoo lang, para siyang patay. Hindi siya, ung relasyon mismo. Oh well. I guess ... wala. Hindi ako makahula.

Namimis ko na ang school dahil una, hindi ako busy dito. Pangalawa, gusto ko ng may kausap. At pangatlo, gusto ko ng aircon everyday!:)

Yey, ayan na-update ko na ang blog ko. Gusto ko magbeach. Kaso lahat ng pinsan ko busy na. Boo. Sa birthday na lang ni frenza ako mgsswimswim. Yey.:) Sana libre ako. Mga kaibigan lang kasi niya ang ililibre niya. Birthday niya na hindi kasama ibang tao. Friends lang. Wow. Sana naisip ko yun ng birthday ko. Sayang.

Ngyaya si Beulah nung isang araw na magbonding sa bahay ni Jestle. Hindi ako nagreply at sumama. Hindi sa tinatamad ako (slight lang), ayoko lang magpakita muna sa mga HS friends ko. Magpapapayat muna ko. Hihi.:) Gusto ko a new tzie ang makikita nila. Ayoko yung isip batang tzie (yung ngayon!hmp). Gusto ko dalaga na ko pag hinarap ko na sila. Lahat kasi sila ngtatransform na. Lahat sila dalaga na. Ako na lang ata ang magulo at isip bata sa kanila. Lahat sila ngpipinta na ng mukha. Nakakahiya tumabi sa kanila. Baka magmuka akong mutsatsa. Kaya naisip ko na next time na lang. Probably, kapag graduate ko. Cool lang kayo, ok?:)

Oh ayan muna. Wala na ako masabi e. bb. till next blog.

PS. Ang ganda talaga ng kanta ng The Feeling. Shems.

shit ka

2008-03-22T22:08:00.002+08:00

What if I never took that risk, will I feel a bit more.. free?

I don't want to elaborate what I feel right now. Emo na kung emo but nobody can ever make me realize what the shit I am going through right now. Boo talaga.

- - - - -

I feel betrayed. All this time I was so proud of having such a good bestfriend and shit, I never thought I'll be forgotten and yes, betrayed. Badtrip talaga. I lost both of them.

Okay lang, masaya naman ako.

I have many reasons to be happy. I don't need to be that bitter. Yey!

"Just smile and there's nothing you can't overcome." - Smiling Pasta

the feeling

2008-03-20T15:23:00.003+08:00

They got me SEWN.:)

Without You - The Feeling
[download]

Winters come and summers go
Last time round for all we know
Wonder what the time is in London

As they tear this world apart
Step by step it breaks my heart
Wonder what the time is in London

I know I'm not the only lonely child
Thirty dead and one teenage gun man
I wonder what the time is in London, without you

I get up early every morning, without you
I open the blind and let the dawn in, without you
And then I think about growing older, without you
And my blood runs a little colder, without you

It's raining hard in North Virginia
Just like London Town

Tales of screams from giant screens
Full of fear and full of beans
Wonder what the news is in London

Tell me what I've always known,
Live is love and love's at home
Wonder if they miss me in London

These are the things that make us glad we're still alive
Even though your heart's in the dungeon
I wonder what the time is in London, without you

I get up early every morning, without you
I open the blind and let the dawn in, without you
And then I think about growing older, without you
And my blood runs a little colder, without you

It's raining hard in North Virginia
Just like London Town

- super enjoy talaga makinig sa kanta nila and damn, walang sawa.:) It's like my new "The Killers". Pinapagaan nila ang loob ko. Haha:) OH gawd.:) Good music = The Feeling:)

happy birthday.

2008-03-17T07:25:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you just want to quit a battle when things start to hurt. You want to stop and leave everything as it is before the pain gets worse. But when you remember that you’ve prayed and how much you really wanted it before you have even stepped on the battlefield, hope comes into the heart that maybe it is worth going this far.

-CHIlovesyouBHY.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Siyete Ako!

2008-03-15T23:11:00.002+08:00

Why Syete is better than Singko?

- You'll continue the unfinished partial requirements, not take the whole course all over again.

- It's not failed, it’s INCOMPLETE.

- It's not ugly. Singko is super doper ugly.

-It's just better than 5, ok?

I'd rather have thousands of siyete than one singko in my grades.

oooooh, wtf. ang bitter.

- - - - -

Oo naman, I still have reasons to smile.

I passed all my courses. I was even exempted for the finals in two of my courses, Control Systems and Engineering and Economy Accounting. I got a whooping wtf grade in Electronics (both Lecture and Laboratory), and I passed PC Troubleshooting. And yes, no "tres" for me this term. Wee.

I'm quite sad for my friends who didn't make it this term. Medyo siyempre, I still wish them to pass. They deserve it. Lahat naman who work hard for their grades deserves to pass.

Sana, sana sana.. Lahat kami pumasa.

SHOUTOUTS:

Mikko, bawi. Hindi pa naman sigurado diba?
ECE052L friends, nagbababa si Sir Cabz.. sa pagkakaalam ko. Tiwala lang.
Adrian, bawi. Paverify kayo.
Research Stat groupmates, kaya natin to!
Dex at Teo, wala. Hindi ko alam sasabihin e. Bawi na lang din siguro.

hell week

2008-03-09T00:12:00.001+08:00

Gusto ko gumawa ng bagong blog. Pota. Hindi ko naman magawa. Wala ako maisip na bagong pangalan, layout at kung ano ano pa. Kaya wala ako choice kundi mgstick sa kung ano meron ako ngayon. Haha.

Nung isang linggo, nagmeeting kami(as usual!) at napagusapan ang tungkol sa ZTE Scandal. Hinihingi ng mga ibang school an gaming side, kung sa katotohanan kami o whatsoever. Ang Mapua lang daw kasi ang wala pang panig sa ngayon. Nakakatuwa dahil sa totoo lang, walang oras ang mga Mapuan sa mga ganyang bagay. We're busy, ok? Haha. Pero para matahimik na, sinabi ko rin ang panig ko. Patalsikin si Gloria! Hindi dahil gusto ko ng gulo at ang epekto nito ay tataas ang dolyar. Ito ay dahil harap-harapan na tayong niloloko at ginagago. Pero sabi nga nila, sino ang papalit? Pare-parehas lang sila. Tsk. Isang maling pananaw. Oh well, talo kami ni Ate Kj kaya ayun, wag daw patalsikin. Pagtiisan daw natin. Tutal DALAWANG taon na lang.

Ooh, wtf. Hindi ako pinayagan sa MSDT. Pero ayos lang, may dalawang linggo pa ko. Haha.

May nakakatawa akong experience ngayong araw. Naiyak ako ng lumabas ang Windows pagkatapos ko mag-assemble ng kompyuter. Pusa. 11 minutes – ganun ako katagal bumuo ng CPU. Ayos lang, mabagal pero tama na rin. Hindi kasi gumana nung una kaya super natense ako. Salamat kay Ivan, napakabait. Napakagentleman. Napakagaling. Siya ang kumakalma sakin at tumulong pa sa pagbuo ko. Yahoo. Nakakatuwa. Pero kahit na ganun, takot pa rin ako bumagsak sa PC Troubleshooting. Napakadaling course kaso amp.. hindi maganda ang mga reports ko. Aba naman kasi, gawan mo ba naman ng Interpretation of Results ang mouse, kung bakit hindi nagana kapag walang mouse ball at kung gagana pa ang PC kapag walang keyboard. Taeng PC Troub. Sana pumasa ako.

Natapos na namin ang Research namin sa Research Statistics. Medyo alam kung madamidami pa kaming revisions na gagawin dahil ganun talaga si Sir Glenn. Pero ayos lang. At least revisions na lang.

Ang prototype naman naming amplifier ay walang future. Nakagawa na kami at super cool ang sounds. Hindi basag at super woaw talaga. Ang catch lang ay..mukang kit siya kahit hindi. E baka ayaw ni Sir Cabz. So nastuck kami. Hindi nanamin alam gagawin namin. Ooh, wtf. Bahala na c Papa Lord. Alam kung labs nya kami.

Andami ko nadaldal. Puro naman walang sense. Hell week na kasi kaya madami ng ginagawa. At alam niyo ba kung bakit hell week ang tawag sa 10th week? Kasi dun lang nagsisimula gumawa ang mga Mapuan ng MP, prototype at kung anu-ano pang dapat ipasa sa linggong iyon.

Unstoppable talaga ang Mapuans, kahit isang linggo lang.. nakakagawa ng super cool machine problems at prototypes.

Ganyan kami kagaling. Kaya boo sa mga semestral na schools. Wala kayo samin. Hihi. Peace.

Dodoy

2008-02-25T23:12:00.004+08:00

Project Design Competition was held last February 20 – 22, 2007, at the South Lobby. There were flaws, I'll never deny that. But still, things ended pretty well. Thanks to all the officers who sacrificed and helped in making everything successful. This event made me love my committee more. Honestly, I never really liked being one of the members of the RnD committee. I was not into the job. I was not in love with it and well, I was not willing to work. This term changed all my views. The pressure and the fulfillment after a successful event made me love it. I love the work and the pressures it gives me. I love how people continuously criticize the committee because it makes me want to prove them wrong. This committee taught me a lot of things and as we spend much more time together, I canst help but continuously feel how important this job is for me. So yeah, I want to be the next RnD committee head. I salute Kuya Gerome for being patient and all. Bilib ako sa lakas niya. Though I once questioned his ability of leading, things changed. Salamat talaga sa PDC. I found a new love. :)

If love is a tragedy, then give me tragedy.

For the past days, I can't help but feel lonely. Not because my roommates ignore me, but because I suddenly felt the need of having someone whom I could lean on. I have one and it just disappoints me a lot that though I have him, I can't actually be with him. Don't blame it to the stupid schedules nor the work I have in the organization, it's not their fault. It's my fault. I want to fully understand the situation. Believe me, I'm trying. But things are way too complicated. I want to keep in mind that he has a big responsibility. I am not his responsibility but he keeps on insisting that I am. Medyo feeling ko pabigat ako. Oooh, wtf. I just feel like I need to loosen up and wait for Mr. Destiny to be a little kind to us. I just want to feel the spark again. Not that it's missing. Its just that distance can really make relationships terrible. Booho. I don't want to see us fall apart. Geez, I guess I need to shut up na. I don't want to say unnecessary things.

MSDT na. Super lapit na niya and I'm anxious. I really super dooper want to go but I'm scared that my parents won't allow me. SHems. I'll be turning 20 this august and I still feel like a HS student. My parents still treat me like a child and I can't blame them. I just want them to realize that I'm old enough to know what's right and what's wrong. And that I'm starting to realize my dreams and goals in life. Medyo malayo ba? Hindi. Believe me. I super love being an officer of IEEE. I love the obligations allotted to me. Pero I just feel like that there's this stupid hindrance. I can't do what I love to do. Takot kasi ako sa mga magulang ko. I'm scared to disappoint them to the extent that they'll lose my trust to me. I'm doing a big lie right now about [you know], and as much as I want to be honest, I can't. I feel like I have to be a good daughter para makabawi sa pagsisinungaling ko. Gusto ko talaga sumama. God bless me. I wish they'll let me.

Photographers awe me. They make my heart jump. They can capture a scene really well and that still image speaks thousand words. And yes, I can't help but fall in love with them[the photos]. Super nagagalingan talaga ako sa mga magagaling kumuha. Just like Dodoy. Here are some of my fave photos of his.

all about love
Love is
Love will bring you back

Enjoy!

week2

2008-02-16T19:42:00.002+08:00

02.16.08

IT SUMMIT!

I'm one of the lucky students who gets to be invited in this rare opportunity to join top COE and IT students from 14 different schools. Ang lakas. Ang kapal ko.:) Haha. Getting to mingle with people who thinks and "speaks" the same language like mine, was fun. Pero akala ko may maririnig akong magusap ng ganito..

Pare1: 00100101001-00101001
Pare2: [laughing] 0!000101110110101
Pare1: syntax error. 0110101

haha.corny ko.

The speakers were so inspiring to the point that I also want to have my own software company[asa]. And oooh, Roselle Ambubuyog was there and played the rubix cube.

It was fun. Pero asa, cisco pa rin!:) Haha.

02.14.08

I'm not single but I feel like I am. Boohoo to those stupid mushy couples who can ruin my mood. It was so gloomy for me and for the people who was not blessed with any date. I was not enjoying it because everyone was just too mushy, I can’t help but cursed them. Haha. Bitter ako! It was an ordinary day except that Mario and bHy gave me a rose. And ooh, the chocolates. Thanks Sir Cabrera, Arjie and Trining[Trina].

I wish I could choose between heaven and hell.

Cause if I can, I'll choose hell in one condition, let him be with me.

Wait.. joke lang. heaven pa rin. Haha.

02.13.08

Wala akong masulat, so let's reminisce. Since I decided to read all(literally) my past entries, one thing that made me feel sorry about myself were the "blog fights" entries. It was almost a year since my "ex"-friend wrote terrible things about me, and well, so am I. I wrote too many hurtful words that I know hurt her too. I made a mistake and so is she. I viewed the 'event' an experience. I've learned from it and finally, I've forgiven her and well, moved on. It was even a nice opportunity for us, Jmie and I, to be super close friends. Not because Jmie betrayed her, but because I get to spend much more time with her because well, she was mad.

Now, when I get to see her in our super small campus, I can't help but feel sorry for her. Why? Cause I know she haven't moved on from that terrible past. I know she hasn't gotten over the fact that we made a mistake that caused our friendship to be ruined. Her 'iraps' make me smirk, not because it's fun seeing her do that, but because I feel like I can ruin her day just because she saw me.(peace.v)

I would not repeat what I've said before, I respect her as a person and that's it. I've forgiven her and I did my part to be civil around her. If she can't do that, well may God be with you.

And to Jmie, I feel glad that I get to have more bonding moments with you because when I’m with you, everything seems so light.:) Wahaha. Wink.

music

2008-02-03T22:30:00.000+08:00

Fran (Travis) is serenading me again, I can't help but fall. I made some fugly manips of their photos I got from their official site. It's not nice so leave it alone. I have a trashy taste in art, you know. Shet. Gotta love them talaga. And fran healy? Oh, just look at those deep eyes and cute dimples(which is so not obvious). Isn't he adorable? His old, I know but shems the cuteness and wonderful voice. Ugh. Love them.

|||

- - - - -

I tried not to download James Blunt's songs in limewire because I really want to buy his cds. But shet, his music is so irresistible, I downloaded them. Nyeh talaga. James Blunt is really someone I could adore forever, if I have to. He has a good perspective in life. His dramatic lines can sweep someone like me off my feet.

"We go through this really amazing experience called life and we're trying to understand it and understand why the hell we're here... I really love life. I really enjoy it, but it does trouble me and as it goes and it ticks by – it's not very long – you kind of wonder what you're going to get out of it, where to look for greater depth and meaning, and why we do the things we do to fill it. I think we all experience that." - James Blunt

Visit his official website.

- - - - -
I've been eyeing the band, Black Rain for a year now and I've been trying my best to look for a way to have a copy of their songs. Unfortunately, they haven't released any album yet so I thought, I'll give them up.

BUT.. this year, this month and yeah, this day.. I got myself two of their great songs through MySpace and their site in purevolume. I am so happy, I can die right now[kidding].

Boats and Birds Cover [download]
Fragile[download]

They will release their album this year and I hope it will be released here in Phil. I'll buy one. Their lyrics is just so amazing. It soothes my soul.

PS. Their EP[image below], which consists of four tracks, was sold out within the few months of released. Oh bum. If only I was able to visit their site and if only, I could actually buy it.

week

2008-02-03T11:08:00.000+08:00

02.01.08

Pat, Jmie and I filled out our hungry stomach with Korean foods last Thursday. It was quite an experience because I was dying to eat and try Kaya Express' specialty, Bulgogi. And believe me, though quite pricey, it was worth it. It's fun being with them because there were no dull moments. It was light and fun. Next stop, the old Spaghetti House...

I'm looking forward to the next two weeks because finally, I'll get to see him. It's quite a good date after PDC(Project Design Competition). It'll be like a treat for myself. I just wish it'll be successful (PDC) because I don't want to get scolded again. Ugh. I'm dying to see the event end successfully.

Saturdays makes me feel ecstatic. It saves me from boredom and I get to go back home and surf the net again for FREE! Dorm life is killing me slowly. My roommates would not talk to me. I've got myself stuck up with two researches. And I've been eating canned goods for almost a week. Dorm life is indeed bringing me to my death date fast. Good thing I have reasons to hold on to this kind of life. I get to go home late. I learned to budget my money. And I get to spend some time with nice cute friends. Haha.:) Oooh, I just wish I’ll get the LT soon.

01.28.08

I've got so many reasons to be happy but I'm letting one stupid reason to ruin everything, which makes me feel so alone. I'm running out of RIGHT words to explain what I'm going through right now. Shums. I'm so gay.. 'coz I'm so emo. Haha. God is with me. I know He'll help me to understand everything. God bless me.

EDIT: I was able to finally end up with a good solution. That is -- Make it work. I've wanted it so badly before and now, I must live with it. This test taught me to be mature and I'm quite glad with the result. I've learned to not depend on my emotions and to let my mind rule over my heart once in a while. The "crazy about you" lines turned to "I'm just beside you" lines. You'll get to know the difference when you get to experience what I just did. I would not let those fourteen months to be wasted because of my selfishness and well, yeah.. my bitchiness. Haha. Again, I'll make it work. We'll make it work.

PS. Thanks Jen and Mikko for listening and understanding.

im sorry

2008-01-20T14:37:00.000+08:00

I'm Sorry.

Maybe I asked too much from you. Maybe I'm being too selfish that I forgot that you're just a human, and that you can make mistakes. I'm sorry for ignoring your efforts. I should have been more sensitive in the things that do matters. I should have stopped seeing your flaws. I expected too much. I asked too much.

Yes, I am really sorry.

Thank you for being patient and for continuously loving me. Thank you for giving me a part of you. Thank you for just being that perfect guy.

Believe me, I'll never let go of your hand.

I love you.

*pic from www.ZangyGraphics.com

leave blogspt?

2008-01-20T12:14:00.000+08:00

I'm back and I'm blogging again. Nyeh. Hehe. I'll tell you about one thing I've been thinking of for the past couple of days.

Should I leave blogspot?

I already made another blog in another weblog host. Also, I already moved my posts here in blogger in my new blog. I don't know if I shall move or what. I've been using this blog for a year now and leaving it is just like fcuking hard. But then again, I want change. It's quite difficult to decide because first and foremost, I'm not familiar on how to use it and make my own theme, and I doubt if I can make it as personal as this blog. But still, I feel like I badly need to move on and give up this blog. It serves as my trash can of my emotions and I feel like, the only way for me to move on from all the tragic events that occurred in my life is to finally let this blog go.

Pero sabi ko nga, mahirap.

Should I leave blogspot for good?

tapos na 2nd term

2007-12-14T05:27:00.000+08:00

Finally, 2nd term AY 2007- 2008 has ended and I can relax for quite a while. This term has been one BIG challenge for me. I've been through worst and I can say that I've learned a lot from all those experiences and I became a good person. I've learned to do my best and put everything else in God's hands. My faith for Him increased and so is my love, not just for Him, but to those persons who had been there for me. It was one hell of a ride, I'll say. But luckily, I ended up safe and hopefully, successful.

I can only thank those people who had believed and trusted me. I thank them for being there, trying to push me more to do my best. If it wasn't for them, I would've given up. Thank God talaga.

Now, I only wish that I'll pass all my courses and also, that my friends would not have any failing marks. I believe that they don't deserve to fail so I also wish them luck. Naniniwala ako na pagpapalain ni Lord ang mga taong nagsusumikap.:)

Aun lang muna.:)

rant the nth time

2007-12-02T13:06:00.000+08:00

This post is long overdue. I've read this in one of my HS friend's blog and decided to give it a shot. The instruction was I should write a message to 20 persons but I can't think of other 5 persons so yan, 15 lang. So eto na..

- I love you and no matter how difficult the situation we are into right now, I'll continue to love you.
- I don't hate you. I just hate what happened.
- I won't deny the fact that I almost fell for you but its over and I'm glad it did. I guess the 'quote' was right.. Let infatuation die a natural death.:)
- I love the way you smile. It melts my heart. Those rare eyes make me want to stare at you more.
- I don't know what I will do with you to change your mind. I'm not what you think I am and believe me; it hurts me a lot whenever you say that. I guess I'm great at hiding my true feelings. I just hope you'll be sensitive enough.
- I'm glad to know that I have you as my friend. You're all I need right now.
- I'll continue to fight and whatever happens, I’ll prove myself worth it of whatever shit you gave me.
- I'm glad it's over. Now, all I need is peace of mind.
- I have learned to accept you for who you are. I don't care if you can't try to keep some things between the two of us. You're my friend and believe me, I love you.:)
- You’re such a cutie and damn, I love it when you do that thing.:)
- Forgive me if I caused you pain, I didn't mean it.
- I miss you. I wish I can have some stupid extra time to spend it with you. It's been fcuking three years since the last time that we get to hang out. I want to see you again and hug you.
- If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have known the word, 'love'.
- Thank you for working hard for us. I'll do my best to give back the love you give to us.
- Thank you for the company. I appreciate it.:)

Woot. :)

---
It's been a hell week for me. There's so many extra-curricular activities held last week so aun, talo. Haha. I have so many things to do yet so little time. The prototypes are killing me. I know and I believe we'll finish it on time but I just hate cramming though I'm good at it. If God would grant my wish for the nth time, I'll try my best not to cram again.

So, here's my fave shot for the events last week.:)

Oh and one more thing, I love "Baby, It's fact" of Hellogoodbye. And because of that, I made them an icon or avatar[anlaki kasi!].

events

2007-12-01T03:00:00.001+08:00

Last Tuesday, the EEC Night was held in Metrobar, West Ave. QC. It was a night where, maybe for the first time [since it's only my second time to attend], people dare to go with the theme. Ladies were on their wonderful dresses and guys were on their well, gimmick attire. It was a night to remember, not just for the candidates but to all those who watched it. Some says it's boring and some enjoyed the whole event. I didn't finish the event because of one fcuking fact.. I have a laboratory class the next day and I have two reports that I need to finish. But then again, I enjoyed it. I love the Up Dharma Down. I was, literally, clapping the whole time they were singing 'Oo'. Every time they finish one song, I'd clap my hands and exclaim how great their music is. I don't care if people think their boring. I love them. I love their music and that's all I know. Haha.:)

Congratulations to my co-staff in the RnD Committee for winning in the said event. Haha. Kuya Ron, congratulations! You're indeed worthy of the title because well, you’re fcuking handsome. Haha.:) To our other candidates, Jerome and Kaye, you're our true winners. You did your best and we thank you for representing the org. hehe.:) Cute mo Jerome at ganda mo kaye.:)

----

Last Thursday, the Mapua Unplugged was held in the MIT quadrangle. Though it was raining, the event continued and I can say that it was a success. Ate Patty and Kuya Mark won in the fashion show. The seminar was successful. The color game was a hit! It was indeed one great day for us. Viva Mapua!

----

Our prototypes are still.. not finish. Boooo. Oh ayan muna. Next time uli.:)

sir cabs, lalaban ako

2007-11-12T06:30:00.000+08:00

With every difficulty in life, there will always be a good lesson in stored with it. I certainly know that God has wonderful reason why I'm having difficulties in life. He wants me to learn and grow. He wants me to get serious about the things I'm not supposed to ignore. He just wants me to learn and maybe, for the nth time, he'll make the impossible possible, not just for me, but to all of us.

I'll tell you about one of my greatest fear in life. I'm scared to be left behind. For some reasons [that I honestly do not know], I'm scared to feel the pain of seeing somebody close to my heart go. As of the moment, I'm keeping my mouth shut, not because I don't want to share it but because I just feel obliged to do it. The only thing I can do is wait to whatever God plans to do with it.. with the situation. I have to learn to be selfless, let go and accept the situation. I have to learn.

Due to my super dooper sadness, I'm looking for a reason to, even for once, smile. And because of my bitch-y side, I have one kilig reason to smile. Haha. But then again, some things are better left unsaid sooo I'm keeping my mouth shut about it. it's not an obligation, I just chose not to share it.:)

If you have time, please include me in your prayers because I badly need one.:'[

*thank you in advance:']

rants

2007-11-03T12:30:00.000+08:00

Since I'm not going to be online again for a week, I'm posting my last entry for the week. [Huh?] Since nothing exciting occurred to me this week, I'm posting a pretty long rant. Haha. This is such a waste of time but then again, wtf do you care? Just read on.:)

THE ISSUE: I've been blog hopping and ended up in one crazy blog that I won't mention. I believe that in the blogging world, you have to learn to respect others entries, whether it will hurt you or not. But I guess, this "freedom" has its limitations. If you have some issues with someone you know, specifically someone who is close to you, it's better that you just approach them rather than go and post an entry in your blog saying how much you contradict their ways. I've been there and it indeed ruined a relationship. It was destined, so it didn't hurt that much. But I've learned from it so I stopped posting and commenting about it. I even stop visiting the site.

LESSON LEARNED: Learn from your mistakes.

THE ISSUE: The Prototype. Again, we'll be having another prototype for the completion in one of our laboratory courses, Logic Circuits 2. Now, our prototype is more complicated and boohoo, I feel so stupid for actually suggesting and insisting that we'll make a Lamp Handball. At first, I suggested that we'll make a Christmas Lights using LEDs but Kuya Xave said it does not have any control input and data path so ayun, we changed plans not knowing that other groups proposals are.. weelll, not that complicated.

LESSON LEARNED: Trust your first instinct.

..oooosh. I'm out of words. I thought this will be long. This is quite a shit, I guess. Haha. I'm really getting boring. Boohooo.

The "Long" Vacation is over. Pff. I need to do all the stuffs that I need to accomplish before the night ends. So, shoo for me. I'm outta here.:) Gtg.

Be Happy

2007-10-30T12:05:00.000+08:00

May God forgive me for being such a bitch. May He continuously guide me to the right path so that I can finally change my ways. May He continuously shows me that for every mistake that I do, He will always be there to continuously catch and love me. May He be my strength.

- - - - -

Last few weeks were such a big trouble for me. Poof. Why? Cause I've been fighting with my emotions. I was so anxious that I might blurt out the very one thing that keeps on hurting me. I believe in such an overly used cliché.. that some things are better left unsaid. I want to go back to the old me. I want to just shut up and stop myself from sharing my stupid thoughts and the like. Because everytime that I do talk about them, I always end up hurt and confused. People just keeps on asking me and the pain just keeps coming back everytime they do. Whenever I share my thoughts, things get more complicated. Whenever I try to be a little braver, I start to become soo vulnerable. And yes, I fcuking hate it. So, once again, I'm changing my ways. Whenever I feel something is up, I have to learn to shut up.. be the old me and of course, be happy.:)

*thanks to those people who never dares to judge me and who continuously cares.:) You know who you are so ayun, let's all be happy.:)

Woot, masaya ako. Always and forever…

bakit kc ang ano mo

2007-10-29T02:30:00.000+08:00

dahil walang tao ang may karapatan para kontrahin ako sa blog kong to dahil excuse me, akin to. ilalabas ko na ang inis ko.

putangina. putangina mo. tangina ka talga.

sorry

2007-10-29T01:30:00.000+08:00

I'm giving up. I have to accept the fact that I'm no good and that my capabilities have its own fcuking limitations. I have to accept the fact that I'm not good in some of the things that I insist to do and that, I'm not worthy of any praises and the like. I have to accept the fact that I'm not like anybody else whom you can look up to. I can't and I'll never be that somebody.

Though painful, I have to learn to accept the facts that some people keeps on slapping on my face. Though it hurts, I have to accept that I'm just an ordinary girl who wishes tat someday, she'll be noticed and be accepted for what she truly is. Though its difficult, I have to learn. I just have to.

tangina ka kasi.

rants

2007-10-22T05:33:00.000+08:00

Two days. He gave me two days to think it over. And so I did. I thought I was ready to give it up. I thought it was time for me to be selfish and feel the freedom I had before. But then, it was so painful because I know I'm giving too much pain to someone that I love. Hindi ko natake. Soo..

I've decided. I'm staying and I'll keep my promise. Why let it go if I know I'm assured that I am being loved? I don't know what will come next but at least I'm quite assured that I'm not going to be alone (I hope so..) again. I still love him. Kaya keme lang..:)

-----

First Week sa Dorm was totally.. boring. Pff. The place is hot so ayun, tamad mode. And I hate it. Thank God for IEEE peeps and my friends for being there.:) Haha. It was fun having them around though I get to go home super dooper late. Haha. I just wish his always with me so that I can prevent myself from being such a bitch.:) Haha. Miss You bHy.:(

Aun na lang. Haha. Boring ko na. Anyway, till next blog..

Nga pla, salamat sa pub. Napili article ko kahit hindi yung buo at kahit for sure, edited mode yun. Haha:)

Edited:
Here are the pictures of the events that occurred last week na involve ako.:)

oct.18

oct.19

oct.20 - anniv celeb ng i3ps.. wla ako kaya bawal pictures. haha.:)

anu ha

2007-10-14T21:58:00.000+08:00

I'm moving.:) Because of my hectic schedules as a student and as an officer of Mapua-IEEE, I'm going "dorm-y". I'll live at the same dorm J-mie is living right now but were not roommates. Oh well, bago nanamang adventure.:)

Just like what I've said(wrote) earlier, I'm an officer of Mapua-IEEE. Woot. I'm part of the Research and Development Committee. I'm the Assistant CoE Coordinator of the said committee and woohoo for me.:) This is a nice experience for me because it will help me get a good job. Siyempre, CoE student ako. Maganda tong exposure.:) Pano ko nasabi? Kasi one of our (the org) alumni is a former officer at ayun, maganda ang company na napasukan. That's why I believe that having an academic organization will surely help me in my future. :) Eto pala patunay.

Next time na ulit. Till Next Blog..

MALAKAS AKO!

2007-10-06T10:20:00.000+08:00

I laughed and smiled for awhile. I have kept it for almost a week and I'll say it's an achievement for someone that's 'weak' like me. But now I've realized (again) the loneliness of pretending, hiding and seeking for answers alone. I feel like I need someone who would slap me hard on my face, stare angrily at me and shout at the top of his/her voice saying, "Wake up Tzie. Wake Up!". I need someone who could make me think and realize that I'm such a fool for acting this way and that its okay to let things all out even for once. It fcuking hurts to be in this stupid situation especially when you're too slow accepting and understanding things. I am, I admit it. I'm not smart or whatever word you can think of that is related to it. That is the reason why until now, I haven't fully accepted the situation. I yearn for some attention coming from him. My heart starts to ache for I want some warmth, love and hug from the person I love so much right now. But sadly, I have to wait again. I can do nothing but continuously thank God for giving me cool friends who could give me warmth even for just awhile. It's enough (I guess) to fill in the emptiness I am feeling right now. I know that I will, once again, surpass this ~~stupid~~ test God has given me.

Malakas ako!!:)

msdt

2007-10-04T10:30:00.000+08:00

MSDT. Management Skills and Development Training.
____
__________
_______________.

Wala akong masabi pero masaya talaga siya. Walang pagsisisi sa puso ko dahil ~~napilitan~~ sumama ako. woot.:) Mahal ko na IEEE..:) Ngayon at kailanman.

Nextaym na ko magsusulat tungkol sa MDST. Wala maprocess e.:)

loa nanaman

2007-09-26T03:00:00.000+08:00

Eto nanaman ako, naiwan. Medyo sumosobra na ata ang paghiling ko kay Papa Lord kaya itong hinihiling ko e hindi Niya muna pinakinggan. Oo, masakit pero gusto kong isipin na may rason Siya kung bakit ginawa nanaman Niya ito. Sino ba ang kulang sa pananampalataya? Ako? siya(hindi si Lord)? Hindi ko sinisisi si Lord kung bakit nga, nangyayari ito. Gusto ko lang ng kasagutan. Pero kahit na ganito nanaman ang pangyayari, gusto kung matutong tanggapin ang lahat. As in lahat. Ayoko ng lumuha pa, magmukang kawawa at mawala sa tamang ulirat. Gusto kung ngumiti at tanggapin ang masaklap na pangyayaring ito na minsan ko ng naranasan at ayun nga, mararanasan nanaman. Sapat na siguro ang tatlong buwan para ipatikim sakin ni Lord ang ligaya. Siguro gusto ulit ni Lord patikimin ako ng pait at poot sa mga bagay-bagay. Gusto niya ulit maranasan ko ang sakit ng isang naiwan. Gusto niya ulit akong gawing malakas, maging independent ~~at maging isang pretender~~. Siguro naging masyado nanaman akong attached sa kanya kaya naisip ni Lord paglayuin ulit kami. Okay lang. Maniwala kayo, ayos lang to sakin. Sa tingin ko, hindi ko na kailangan ulit ng isang buwan para matanggap ang mga pangyayari. Siguro isang linggo lang, sapat na. Sana lang talaga sa tatlong buwan na mawawala siya at ako na maiiwan, tuparin na ni Lord ang hiling ko na hindi na ito mauulit kailanman. Sana Lord, palakasin mo ulit ako. At habang hindi pa huli ang lahat, hinihiling ko pa rin na sana pakinggan niyo ako.. Sana makapiling ko ulit siya. Sana talaga..

action at a distance

2007-09-25T10:50:00.000+08:00

Good rhythm, Nerve-calming and Whooping lyrics..

Temple Scene, our friendly duo from London.

Dexter told me about a site where you can listen or download good independent musics from all over the world and I must say, it is really g-o-o-d.:) So aun nga, I ended up in Temple Scene's profile and woohoo, I fell in love. Another group of musicians made my heart beat. Woot. Thanks Dex. Visit their site by clicking the image above and see their pictures and I swear.. you'll like them.:) Haha. Just please don't go loving them too. Let me just have them. Haha. I have crazy choices. Pff.:)

bagsak ako.

2007-09-23T11:30:00.000+08:00

PATAWAD, hindi ako perpekto.

Pagkatapos kung mag-verify, akala ko mawawarak na ang mundo ko. Hindi ko alam kung pano ko uuwi, sasabihin ang malagim na pangyayari sa buhay ko bilang isang engineering student. Hindi ko alam kung pano ko sasalubungin ang aking mga magulang, kung pano ko sasabihin. Patuloy ang pagbagsak ng mga ulan sa aking mga mata. Pinapraktis ko ang mga salitang maari kung sabihin sa aking mga magulang, at dito papasok ang mga salita sa taas..

Patawad, hindi ako perpekto.

Sa kasamaang palad, hindi nila natanggap ang masaklap na pagbagsak ko. Kaya sa mga peyborit kung distractors, ito na ang kinahihintay niyo.. ang matagal-tagal niyong pinagdarasal. Sa mga totoo ko namang kaibigan, salamat sa patuloy na pagsuporta. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko haharapin at kung gugustuhin ko pang harapin ang bukas. Sana makayanan ko ang lahat. Hay.

Pero joke lang ang lahat na ito, woot.:) Sinuwerte nanaman ako. Pano ba yan mga distractors, hindi pa kayo dinidinig ni Lord. Ibig sabihin, hindi pa ito ang tamang oras. Alam kung maaring dumating ang panahon na totoong babagsak ako pero hindi pa siya ngayon. Kaya Lord, salamat ulit. Walang humpay mong dinidinig ang hiling at panalangin ko. Mahal kita Lord. Salamat. :)

School Stuffs

2007-09-16T12:15:00.000+08:00

Fcuk You Prototype.

Because of you, I can't sleep well because I kept thinking of you, my future and our future. You're so complicated, it kills me.:( Pff.

First term AY 2007-2008 is about to end and woohoo for me, I only have two unsure courses. At the start of the term, I thought I'll be failing almost ALL my courses, and believe me.. It scared me a lot. But because I was desperate to pass, I hit those fugly books and fought my sleepy head and woohoo, I think I'll pass the remaining four courses in my load this term.:) It's a big accomplishment, you know.

I cried after my 4th Numerical Methods Exam. Why? I dunno. I just feel like crying. The thought of failing hurts. It was excruciating that I didn't do good in my last Network Analysis Exam. And yes, iisa lang ang guro ko dun. Pff. Si Sir Hortinela, a very nice man who kills minds of his students, and I'm one of them. Damn, it fcuking sucks.:( I think I deserve not to fail for I've been active in his numerical class and listened attentively with his lectures, and I believe he knows that. Kaya Sir, 3% na lang passing sa numericals, ng sure pass na kame! Wooohooo. [asa] He actually saw me crying, nakuwento ni Karl. Pff. Nakakahiya.*_*

Pero naniniwala talaga ako kay Papa Lord. He never fails to listen to my cries. Whatever happens, I know God has a wonderful reason and that, I can never question it.:) I guess I still have to thank Him for giving me soo many blessings and for granting my wish to heal my Dad.:) I love you Papa Lord.:)

inlove ako

2007-09-16T09:44:00.000+08:00

Nasabi ko ba sa inyo na inlove ako?

May mga bago akong boyfriends.

Sila ang mga bago kong boyfriends. Hindi ko pa naman hinihiwalayan ang the killers. Nagmahal lang ako ng bago, masama ba yun? Alam kung maiintindihan nila yun. Hai.:) Inlab!

Member na ko sa official site ng travis band kaso sa the killers, asa! bakit kamo? punta kayo DITO at maaawa kayo sakin.:(

Mahal ko silang lahat. Mahal na mahal ko sila, papatay ako ng makita lang sila. pero sana hindi sila mgconcert dito sa pinas ng wala akong trabaho. haha, asa naman akong mgcoconcert sila e nh.:) basta ha, akin lang sila. walang aagaw kundi patayan na!

prayers.

2007-09-03T12:35:00.000+08:00

Last Friday was my Dad's operation in his left ear. He had a fast recovery but the status of the operation is still unknown. After two weeks, he'll be having his check-up and we'll know if the operation is successful or not. I wish it is. So people, please pray for my Dad. If the operation is not successful, my Dad will be deaf.. forever. So please, I need your prayers.

Thank You.

Behind all the things that have been happening right now, though I'm getting confused with all these mixed emotions [another topic, so yeah.. let's move on..], I'm trying to be strong for my Dad. I've been continuously fighting and giving my best shot with my studies to lessen all the worries that I might cause them, specifically him. So yes, we're not battling with any financial issues but we're fighting for our health; for my Dad's health. I don't think I can take it if something wrong happens. Obviously, my Dad is our strength. But right now, we are his strength and I can't let any ~~stupid~~ emotions shows.

So inuulit ko, PRAY FOR MY DAD. Thanks.:)

textmates"

2007-08-23T12:10:00.000+08:00

Life's a little ironic. We all want things to change, but once they do, we wonder why things can't go back to the way they were.

For more inspiring quotes, visit http://textmates.blogspot.com

bs bio

2007-08-20T20:53:00.000+08:00

Linked list - a data structure used to maintain a dynamic series of data

I want to learn. I want to learn what and how to use this ~~stupid~~data structure, linked list. But naaah-uh.. for that 5-day 'vacation' given to us, I haven't learn a thing. Punyemas di patataaas. Until now, I'm quite clueless why and wth crossed into my mind and now, I'm taking up a course that I've never learn to love sooo much. SOoo yes, I 'semi' like the thought that someday, I'll be an engineer.. a Computer Engineer. But I never really see myself fixing computers, making hardwares and doing whatever the hell is a COE's job. All I know is that I'm taking up a course I thought was freaking good for my mind and my Dad's choice. I’m not blaming my Dad for my sufferings and pain as a COE student. Never will I blame him for that. I told him I liked the thought of it, so yeah, the blame is on me. :(

You may be wondering what course have I fallen in love with since my childhood years. It is none other than..

BS BIOLOGY.

I've always wanted to be a surgeon. Gusto ko talagang kumalikot ng laman loob ng tao. I want to wear that all-white uniform. I want to be locked up inside a building that smell like *HHjdhja37Y74kjk&*#(*(#(). I want to explore the wonders of science and anything connected to it.

I want to be a part of their world. But sadly, I can never be a part of it anymore. Pff. Sa future, loob ng computer ang kakalikutin ko. Hai sus.

But then again, I want to thank God for giving me a chance to study. I'm lucky to have a chance to be able to step foot in such a very good school, Mapua Institute of Technology. Kaya wala talaga akong karapatan magreklamo. Maybe someday, I'll learn to love this course. But it will take some time.. [I guess.:(]

hp7, flip-flops

2007-08-20T11:30:00.000+08:00

After a month of keeping silent and hoping my parents will finally give me the last installment of the tale of the boy whom I adored too much because of his courage, I finally get to read it. For two days, I locked up myself in my room and read until my I finally get to read the last sentence of HP7.

ALL IS WELL.

Indeed, all is well. Finally [or sadly], the tale of Harry Potter had ended. Harry's suffering and anguish finally ended with a curse that had fired back to the greatest but ~~stupid~~ selfish dark wizard of all time, Voldemort. The story was full of adventure, loneliness with a mix of love story. It was indeed one of Rowling's greatest work of art for it had touched me so much that until now, I haven't gotten over the story. It made me frown a lot, feel like sobbing and smile crazily with the love story of Hermoine and Ron [not Harry's love story.. it was lame. Pff].:) It was worth the time, the pain in my beautiful [nag-fifeeling lang] eyes and in my ass.

From all those who had died, the one that made me sad is the death of our dear Defense Against the Dark Arts professor turned to Hogwarts Headmaster, Severus Snape. I never really liked him until I have read the chapter made only for the prince. He was a big stupid coward for not fighting for Lily's love but then again, it was true love that he had felt for Harry's mother. He made me feel sorry for him but at the the same time, adore him for continuously caring for Harry. He was indeed worthy to trust and love. I feel sorry that he has to die in Nagini's bite. It made me want to cry, snob and continuously hate Voldemort for acting ssstupid and craving for more power. :(

On the other side, Dumbledore planned was a bit flawless for it made Harry, Hermoine and Ron think harder. I, personally, hated him for a while because he left the three of them clueless, searching for answers and hints. But then again, we can't deny that he is indeed, the cleverest wizard that had ever lived.

Yes, things must come to an end. Though I still crave to know what would happen next to our dear boy, Harry Potter, I have no choice but to bid farewell and finally, move on.

Goodbye Harry Potter.
[See you at the movie. Hehe.]

- - - - -

During our MOA get-away, I can't help but notice one shop. It made me want to go home and blog about it.

Yes, the "all flip-flops" wherein the most famous tsinelas, Havaianas, are being sold. I, personally, could not think wtf is with that rubber tsinelas that made all those people in the store go 'gaga' over them. It's just a slipper.. isang rubber tsinelas. I'm no fan of Hava or any other kind of slippers. I only wear one when I feel like I don't need to be stylish. Hava is just a tsinelas. Why go crazy over a rubber tsinelas that cost around Php 700.00? I can buy two ON-SALE shirts with it or even a tote bag! Wait, I can even buy sandals with it! Pff. I don't think I will ever go gaga with them. I don't like them. :) For Hava fans, don't go cursing my blog because I simply don't like them. This is just MY opinion and I guess, everyone is entitled to have one, right? If you really think it is worth the money, then go buy. :) Hehe.

PS: Sa lahat ng nakaalala sa aking kaarawan, salamat.:)

go blue

2007-08-16T09:14:00.000+08:00

GGGOOOOO BLUUUUE.

IEEE Sportsfest was held last Sunday in the MIT Gymnasium. It was tiring and fun at the same time. I shouted at the top of my voice and it was F-U-N.:) I just miss the fun of having one and supporting a bunch of people I rarely know. I feel like I was back in the premises of my dear old school, supporting my team color and cheering.:) Since I dunno any ball game or any sports, I just show my 'team' spirit using my powerful voice in cheering. Though we failed to get the 1st place, at least we have proven that BLUE is not weak. Haha. We indeed changed the history since Blue team had been 4th placer since God knows when and now, wooot.. we're in...... 3rd place. We still have another chance anyway. Pramis. Next sportsfest, patataubin namin kayo! Asa mga ibang kulay. :) [peace.]

I've got a new baby and his name is 'N73'. Yes, I got a new phone but still, I'm quite sad. Why? Because what I really want is that cheap silver digi-cam. Pff. Asa namang mabili ko siya this upcoming birthday ko. Speaking about my birthday, I just remembered my last lame birthday celebration here in our house.

Only three of my college friends get to attend it and believe me, they touched me. It was one year ago and things have changed. From those three friends, I lost one of them. Sarcastic as it may sound but no, I didn't feel much pain for actually losing her. It was for the best. It was one of the best decisions that I think I made for I know; it will make the two of us a better persons. It will help us learn from OUR mistakes and understand the things happening around us. I learned. Believe me, I did. From all the fights and stabbing issues the two of us have been, I have learned that we really can't please everybody and made them understand our own worlds; that MISUNDERSTANDING is indeed part of our fcuking world and sometimes, we can't escape from it. BUT like what I have said, we have to learn from that mistake and try not to do it again because of a simple reason... to not make things worst.

If I'll be giving her one last message and finally close this topic; I'll say...

"Let's move on and give each other respect, not just in the blogging world but also in the real one. You have made a mistake and so do I but things already happened and we have no right to regret. I don't regret my decision of giving up the friendship WE once tried to recover. It was over. It IS over. Let's give each other some respect, not because we were once friends, but because WE are human beings and we deserve it. Again, let's learn from it. This is a trial that God gave to us so that we could learn from it. I have learned my lesson and I hope you do to. Judging others won't help you. Listening to what others say will once again, not help. That was the reason why we ended up like this, right? It was the main reason why now, you lose friends and I lose you. I'm not saying this to amend things with you. I just want to clear out things. Thank you for teaching me things I thought I'll never learn. You taught me how to let go without the usual crying. Thank you for helping me to realize that we can't please everybody. I'm sorry for things have ended this way and you lost too many friends. I feel sorry for you if, until now, you haven't gotten over this fight."

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAKIN!:) sa Friday.:]

rain rain rain

2007-08-09T13:00:00.000+08:00

SWITCHFOOT, LIVE IN MANILA

.. and curse you organizers [peace!:)] because you scheduled the concert on Monday. Sssh.. I’m not listening to any of your explanations. All of you are one BIG disappointment for the music industry. Haha. Kidding. I wish I could watch. They are one heelll of a band and damn, I HEART them.:) Their music are great. Woot.:) And the tickets are soooo cheap. sayang amp.

I wish The Killers won’t have a show here in Manila until the time that I finally get a job. Haha.:) I don’t want to miss it. I might die if I do. :)

- - -

RAIN, RAIN, DON'T GO AWAY.

Let's give the dams the chance to recover. Let's give a chance for some provinces to recover from El Niño. Though the rain is soooo fcuk up because of the floods, let us pray for more rain until everyone who needs them is satisfied. It's for our own good din naman.

But let me just rant my disappointment and anger from the people that I have encountered. Some Filipinos just lack discipline. Tae talaga. Mga walang modo. Nakita na ngang may linya, sige pa rin sa singit. Hindi ba sila naturuan ng good manners? Ang kapal pa lalo ng mukha for exclaiming that they were forming their line PROPERLY. Shet kayo. And one more thing, if and only if people knows how to dispose their garbage properly, there will be no flood. C'mon, may basurahan people! I was stuck in Longos [a place in Cavite] for three hours and imagine how bored and irritated I was. I even need na sumulong sa baha and that was one fcuk up experience. Tae. And because of these floods, classes is once again, SUSPENDED. Mapua doesn't need one more day of suspension. WE value 'time' soo much. Isipin mo na lang kung pano nanaman kami maghahabol sa mga lectures. Just imagine this, we are trying to grasp everything for 10 weeks. For a normal college student, they have 6 months to understand their subjects but Mapuans only have 10 fcuking weeks to understand them. SUSPENSIONS are not needed. Pusanggala talaga. :(

[breathing..]

Maybe.. just maybe, I should be selfish.

Hmm..

RAIN, RAIN, GOOOOO AWAY!Joke.:) Sige na, don't go away na. :)

8 na.

2007-08-04T04:50:00.000+08:00

"...Sinong pipiliin mo, yung taong nagmamahal sayo o yung taong unti-unting kinahuhulugan ng loob mo?" - text message

If I am to answer that question, I will answer it with another lame question;

Is the one I'm falling in love with loves me too?

If Yes, I might give up the man I'm currently dating. Sometimes you have to learn to let go and welcome new love. But on the other hand, I might not. Love is such a complicated thing. Love is a certain feeling you rarely get to figure out. It's more difficult to analyze than a math equation. Sometimes, the "love" we feel is just merely infatuation. What if the feeling I have for the 'new' guy is just infatuation? Will it be worth it to let go of someone who showed how much he loves me? I guess I'd rather have "what if's" than regrets.

And obviously, if the answer is no, I'll just get over it and move on. The pain of giving it up is nothing compare to much more complicated things.

- - -

Good thing, I have never been into such situation. Due to undying love I feel for the man I'm with, I can't seem to see myself without him. Honesty and trust are factors why, after 7 months, we're still together. So yes, we've been through a lot. WE fought and cried for a gazillion times. But still, love reigns. Cheeesy as it may sound, but because of him, I gain confidence and trust to myself.

I like him. I want him. I love him.

True love? I hope. I want him to be the man I'll be spending my lifetime with. I want him to be the man who will always stay beside me through good and bad times. I want him to be the one.

SIYA LANG, OK?

This upcoming Monday, we'll be celebrating our 8th monthsary and wooohoooo.. we just keep on getting stronger. Ingit? Sus. Lagi naman. Haha. :)

semi-bes bbbbbday.:)

2007-08-04T01:00:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEN.

I wish you more happiness and more blessings from our dearest Lord. :) Don't forget to always thank God for everything. :) I love you!

fe-chr: feature.:]

2007-08-03T09:54:00.000+08:00

fe-chr : feature.:]

I've read an entry from one of my link-ex, Ate Thet about the site, fechr.com. And I'm trying it out. :) It will help my traffic increase and meet new online buddies. :) It is currently for free when you want to be featured for 24 hours. But once they get 500 visitors per day, they will start charging the visitor. :(

SOooo, while it's for free.. I'm grabbing the chance of increasing my traffic. woot. ;)

sana pumasa

2007-07-30T09:15:00.000+08:00

Last week is probably the saddest, most pressuring week of my life.

Why?

I failed to do my best in all my exams this week. It was so frustrating because I haven't got to be confident with my answers. It was difficult, believe me. It was stressful. Even J-mie [finally] felt the disappointment of not being confident with her answers. I'm trying to be cool but damn, it's eating my life. I'm trying not to think about it... to laugh about it but damn talaga, it's not working. I'm hoping that for the next three quizzes, I can finally give my best shot. Gusto ko talaga pumasa. I want to graduate on time. I want to graduate with no failing marks. NO TO FIRST BLOOD, ika nga. I know other people who fcuking hates me are now praying for my failure but I know God will listen to me[hindi sa mga evil people]. :] I know that it will all be worth it. Alam ko na kaya ko to. Sana tulungan niyo ko.

dami oh

2007-07-23T11:20:00.000+08:00

Thank God for great OL friends. My site's traffic is increasing. Nakakatuwa. :] Salamat bloppers and my link-ex people. I guess this only means that my blog is not crappy~~unlike others~~.

EmO?

2007-07-22T13:42:00.000+08:00

EO o MER???

haha.

shut up.

2007-07-22T11:35:00.000+08:00

HERE'S THE POINT

.

Just like what I've said in my disclaimer, if you can't do anything but to commend my post, then LEAVE. I'm not asking nor begging you to read my post and if my writing skills need improvement, its none of your fcuking business. That's how I write and through this blog, I know I'll improve. Sus. ~~Ban ka na tuloy~~. Kaya ssshhooooo mga distractors. Huwag kayo dito magpakagago. Sa iba na lang, okay? Tanga amp. Nagmamagaling, hindi naman makaintindi ng english. sus. siraulo.

and about my July 10 post, kung hindi ka talaga tanga, wala akong sinasabi na tungkol sa post. Sus. Bobo talaga. Nakakabadtrip. Pwede, ssshoooo na lang.

~~DUWAG ka kasi kaya ganyan ka.~~

Oh, and one more thing.. if my blog and my post are not worth it, bakit marami akong ka link-ex? tae.

this will be my last post about this lame fight... my last 'fierce' post[like what 'chi3f said]. Ayoko nga magpakababa tulad ng ibang tao. Just like what jerico said...

"IF NOT GUILTY, WHY BOTHER?"

dexsad

2007-07-18T20:21:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

dexsad.>_<

may you have more bdays to come.:] i wish you happiness. wooot.

Technorati

2007-07-17T21:40:00.001+08:00

I've joined Technorati to increase my traffic.:]

Technorati Profile

ssshus.

2007-07-17T21:19:00.001+08:00

patawarin sana ng Diyos ang mga masasamang loob.

bow

2007-07-16T12:00:00.000+08:00

One great thing I have learned in my college life is choosing the people you trust and of course, treasuring them. College life is waaay different in high school life that sometimes, you really have to embrace change or else, life for you will be soooo complicated. I've changed. From being someone who rarely open up and share things to my friends, I now learned to be vocal about what I feel in a very nice way. I've learned to share thoughts, dramas in life and etc. If it wasn't for my semi-bes, Jenny, I would've stayed the way I was when I was still in HS. Good thing she helped me to be vocal and she understands me very weell. Maybe because of the factor that we almost have the same 'story'. She rarely questions my belief, rarely react violently to things that I say and she make things light and I love her for that. Regene, another good friend of mine, taught me to be carefree. I've learned to adopt her astig attitude of laughing about serious matters though she's mad. She makes things easier to understand and she never misunderstood me because she's no pakialamera and that's what I like about her.

Another change that I've learn to embrace in college is welcoming boys into my life. Since I came from a former exclusive girls school, I don't know how to deal with them but the guys I met made it easier for me. I've learned to laugh and show my crazy antics with them. Dexter is one of my friend who made me laugh hard. I don't talk to him about serious matter except the recent lame fight. Honestly, ilang kasi ako. Maybe because I'm not used with sharing things with him. I wish I could but it might take time. The guy friend I'm used to share things is Mikko. Like Jenny, he understands me. He knows how to keep secrets. [FYI: He knows a lot of weird things about me >_<] I just trust him and he has this 'convincing' powers that sometimes, you have no choice but to spill things out.:]

I have other friends that I also treasure and learned to trust. Ang aking mga anak, Mon and Jmie. Though I don't share a lot to them, I'm comfortable with them. Teo is also one friend I've learned to trust. I'm glad that he also trust me.:] He knows how to cope up with me. Kung galit ako, hindi iyan nagagalit. :] Haha. The only person who gets mad at me when I'm mad is EO. Kontrabida un e.:] His my bestfriend and a lot of things changed between the two of us. There are some reasons why I don't open up to him unlike before. But I still consider him as my bestfriend.:] Lastly, the 'new-found' friend, Joo. Clepto man, mabait yan.:] [just kidding.] She knows when to shut up kasi so I'm quite impresseed with her.

In college, you became mature and you will learn to not engage with some stupid blahs. You have to grow and learn from things. You have to be responsible not just in school stuffs but also with your acts. College life is more complicated than HS life but with friends, it makes it a little lighter. Don't add up the pressure by being stupid. :]

BOW.

PS: Siyempre, mas magaan pa kung may kabiyak ka.:] parang si bHy.♥

useless post

2007-07-15T12:30:00.000+08:00

First Day. First Meeting. First Week.

So, kamusta?

My professors are the following:
Sir Hortinela, Sir Linsangan, Ma'm Pabiania[?]. Ma'm Torres, Ma'm Yumang

Though some of them are known to be terror professors[name in bold], I will try to make it up with the ~~stupid~~LWA I got last term. Maayos na nga ang buhay ko...

Moving on, school didn't changed that much. Siyempre, we were only gone for a week. Haha. There are many newly enrolled students a.k.a freshmen. Ang hirap tuloy bumili sa bookstore dahil sa kanila.:] Haha. But still, I WELCOME THEM.

WELCOME FRESHMEN.

bHy and I will be watching Harry Potter this upcoming Monday. I'm loooking forward to it. I'm no fan of HP but I've read the books[from 1 to 6]. I just want to see if the effects are as good as the ~~transformers~~ previous movies and if the plot is also good. I've heard that there are some changes. Hmm..

My post is too random. Haha. I just want to rant about some ~~useless~~things.

Till next post...:]

criticize

2007-07-11T11:10:00.000+08:00

I'll be honest. I criticize too much that sometimes I get to be sooo mean, it even scares the hell out of me.:] Maybe it is because I was born perfectionist that I can't help but to criticize others works. I don't excel too much in things that I do but when I feel someone do the things that I love to do and take note, I want to excel in that thing, I can't help but criticize. It irritates me a lot when I saw posers do things that is unpleasant to my eyes or haven't reached my standards. It even makes my day bad. Good thing I have other things that I do which people doesn't seem to notice much. It is my "meds" to get rid of those "irita" moments that I'm going through.

Despite my fugly attitude of criticizing others works[which makes me feeel sooo bad], i know how to SHUT UP and keep myself out of unnecessary blahs. It's a gift, you know.:]

Don't be deceive about this post. I only criticize works of posers. Why?

Because I think, it you really really want to copy others works, do it waaay better than the one you copied. Wag kang magpahuli.:]

the killers

2007-07-10T12:10:00.000+08:00

because of jan's post about the Glastonbury 2007, I would have forgotten how I've fallen in love with the band, The Killers.:] I wasn't listening to their music for months now because I'm afraid that I might get tired of them. But damn those videos that I watched [their Glastonbury 2007 performance], I've fallllllen for their music once again. :] wihee.:] My heart won't stop jumping and thumping ssoooo fast at this very moment. ♥ Salamat talaga Jan. Isa kang tunay na musica-adik.

Here are the links of some of the videos that I personally like..

Smile Like You Mean It

Mr. Brightside

Magaling. Magaling. This is what M-U-S-I-C means for me.

tagged!

2007-07-10T10:36:00.000+08:00

I was tagged by my blopper friend, quincy. I should tell the whole world seven things about myself. Hmm.. Sooo where should I start?

1. I don't eat sesame seeds and liver. I hate the feeling of getting those ~~stupid~~ sesame seeds stuck on my teeth. Weird, ayt?

2. I get to be misunderstood by people.... a lot. I don't know what's up with me but I always am misunderstood. Hindi kasi ako magaling mag-explain.

3. I lllloooove to eat pistachios.

4. I am grade conscious. But honestly, I'm quite lazy. Pff.

5. I llllove watching drama/love series. It's my way of getting out to the real world.:]

6. Musophobia. Shhhiyet.

7. I love to daydream. o_0

I'm tagging everyone! Yey!:] haha.

first day

2007-07-09T11:55:00.000+08:00

It's Mapuans first day tomorrow and to be honest, I'm not looking forward to it. I think I need more time to relax and go chat in the forum i've joined __ days ago[i forgot the date I joined]. Haha. I guess Mr. Laziness visited me too early. Pff. But I'll try my best to study well this time. Ang pangit kasi ng way ng pagaaral ko... kung kelan patapos na term, kung kelan lang ako mag-aaral. I wish I could stick with this. I really wish..

Wala ako masabi. Babay na nga.

sad, 7 months

2007-07-07T06:00:00.000+08:00

There are things that I really want to keep... to just shut up and hide what i truly feel at this very moment. But sometimes, I get weak and I need some~~one~~thing where I could throw all the emotions I'm battling with right now. And so, I'm blogging again. Maybe, in this way... I can be okay.

I'm scared of what will happen in the next few hours. I'm scared of what could happen next if the thing that I'm afraid of occur. I'm scared that I might not take it easily... again. Maybe, I'm getting tired of crying about this. It's been two nights straight that all I did was to cry and hold my lucky charm[my cross necklace] to pray. I just want things to go smoothly. I don't want to think anymore because it's stressful. I could not do anything but to wait. I really wanted to help but there are issues and things that are stake. So I'm here, hoping things that I'm scared of will not occur. Gusto ko na tong matapos.

I know God will help me. I just can't stop thinking. :[ I trust my Lord and I know, He will make things possible. I know He will....

- - - - -

7 months.:]

heroes

2007-07-07T05:30:00.000+08:00

I like his power. I also want to read minds. I wish I have powers. :]

domain

2007-07-06T12:45:00.000+08:00

should i get a domain or not? gusto ko kasi and it's kinda cheap, you know. its just that, it'll be a lot of work[i guess]. i want to have one so that I could put everything in one place. As you can see, it's all scattered. My ~~art~~ scraps has its own page and so is my answer page.

Napapaisip tuloy ako. I've been wanting this for like.. forever. Since the day I've learned html and other codes, gusto ko na talaga nito. And now's a good chance. 400 pesos/year for a .net. It's cheap... but not practical. :[ Hai.

Ano ba.. Kukuha ba ko o hindi?

*thinking*

NO TO premarital sex

2007-07-06T11:00:00.000+08:00

even relationship that have been going well can turn sour after reaching a sexual encounter.

the reason for that is.. love is an uncertain thing. because people are afraid of losing it, they become cowardly and servile. in other words, once you eat the apple, you cannot return to paradise. - Kimi Wa Petto

kaya ako?

NO TO premarital sex.

[...]

kite

2007-07-05T12:07:00.000+08:00

I CAN FLY.
How?

Do you know what a kite is and why it flies happily?

"The reason for the kite to fly happily in the sky is not because it's free. Its because there's a string that will eventually tug it close. Even if it could fly freely, no matter how high it flies... even if it could reach outer space, it wouldn't be happy. Beyond the string is a place to go home to. Even if it gets tattered and torn, or become useless, there is a gentle hand that will hold it close. "

- Momo, Kimi Wa Petto

That's why I can fly.

wishlist

2007-07-04T12:45:00.000+08:00

Gusto ko lang gumwa ng wishlist ko ulit dahil sa forum na sinalihan ko. :]

so eto na sila.

1. DigiCam

[click]

- bket ian lang? mura kc. kaya ko bilhin kung gugustuhin ko. takot lang ako mawalan ng pera. pff.

2. laptop

[click]

- actually, khet ano nman. gusto ko lang to kc ngttwist ang screen. :]

3. cellphone

[click]

[click]

- kasi flipflop cia at manipis. un lang. haha.:] at ciempre, n series. ewan ko ba bat humaling ako sa knla.. ang mahal nman. gusto ko black.

4. webhost

[click]

- kasi gusto ko ng sariling pangalan. ayako na ng may nakatikid pang blogspot sa url ko.. kaso medyo magastos siya kasi per month ang bayad at overseas ba.. geezh. mukang hassle.

5. apartment

[click]

- gusto ko ganyan din kaganda. haha. gusto ko matuto magluto e. at gusto ko dn maging indepdent. someday na tong dream na to.:]

6.kotse

[click]

-kotse! gusto ko gnyan.. rav4. pero gusto ko may driver para mkapagdaydream pa din ako. haha. gusto ko lang niyan para payagan na ko gumalagala. :]

7.new set of clothes

[click]

-kasi malaki na ko. kelangan ko na iyan. reinvent, ika nga nila.

oh ayan na muna. siyempre, marami2 pa.. iniisip ko pa. :] hehe..

dami kung hiling sa mundo...

when will i learn to be satisfied with what i have?

SOON. [i hope.]

back

2007-07-04T11:50:00.000+08:00

im back.:]

why? because i'm bored. Five days left and I'm back to school for the first day of 1st term, AY 2007 - 2008. And yep, I'm a junior... finally. :] Nine terms left [hopefully..] and I'll be graduating.

But as of now, let me share to you my ~~shitty~~ term break. [aw.]

Obviously, there's nothing much that I do this past few days. I'm just letting time eat me. :[ I'm watching Heroes in a dvd that I bought in Sta. Cruz, which is fcuk up by the way because it has no subtitles. I'm planning to finish One Tree Hill Season 4 for the next five nights. Oh and yeah, I'll be finishing Grey's Anatomy Season 1 and 2 this.. urrr... if i have time na nga lang. ssshh.

- - - - -

4th term of SY 2006 - 2007 was one of the stressful [and whatever words you can think about that is connected to stress] term of my life. I've been through a lot of battles, from school stuffs, friends and love. The first week was so difficult for me but then friends were around [and still is..] and luckily, I managed to move forward. And then I have professors that is waaay too boring that I lose control of my listening skills and end up weell, daydreaming. The effect? I almost fail. And of course, the lame fight. I guess I was never meant to shut up. Why? Because when I do shut up, people continuously talks. Haha. :]

But I eventually made it through. Thanks to friends and of course, to IEEE members and officers who helped, specifically Kuya RM who made the 3rd level of our MP. :] Salamat talaga Kuya. Siyempre, thank you din kay Kuya Ginpao, Kuya Ash, Kuya Tep, Kuya Jayson at si Kuya pang isa. Salamat.

Now, another term unfolds and I'm quite ready to face it. Laban kung laban. Haha. Stress kung stress. Aayusin ko na buhay ko. :] I'm tired thinking whether I'll pass or not. It's time to get serious. :] I hope I can stick with this.

Thank you Lord for such great blessings. I love you. :]

liar?

2007-07-02T09:00:00.000+08:00

i hav nothing against you,, all i ever wnted was a set of friends.. pero I guess i was never welcome all along.. the truth is,, wala na naman ako paki sa kanila eh. to b specific.. kila reg at tessa.. dey dont want to believe me.. fyn.. akala ko kasi wala ka rin paki alam dun eh.. - Alvin

[...]

Im getting tired of this. Tama na ang pagsisinungaling, ok?

why?

2007-07-02T03:10:00.000+08:00

Why did I change my tagboard?

Because the older one is fcuk up.

Why do I feel happy and sad at the same time?

Because I passed all my subjects but I got the lowest weighted average... ever.

Why am I hungry?

Because I didn't eat a lot awhile ago.

Why am I irritated?

Because some people acts like that they're innocent even though they're not.